


Now that's a stud

by bobadeluxe



Series: Star-Studded [2]
Category: Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, At the Mountains of Dadness - Freeform, Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, Deepthroating, Developing Relationship, Dick Jokes, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Facials, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Idiots in Love, M/M, Masturbation, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobadeluxe/pseuds/bobadeluxe
Summary: Meryl and Stud are taking their relationship to the next level. Well, Meryl is trying to anyway until he hits an obstacle. A particularly big one.Stud *truly* lives up to his name.
Relationships: Meryl Streep (Dungeons and Daddies)/Stuart "Stud" Stampler
Series: Star-Studded [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874887
Comments: 62
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's a LOT of penis talk in this one (and just sex, kinks, in general.) like the plot just revolved around Stud's dick. If that makes you uncomfy, please sit this one out! Apparently I still find dick jokes funny, it's very mature of me. 
> 
> Technically It's a continuation of my earlier fic, A simple man, but you don't have to read that one to understand this. tl;dr no one died, they fuck now.

"Sorry for this," Stud muttered under his breath, and Meryl laughed at him.

"What a strange thing to say before taking your pants off." Weirdly formal too, even though Stud was always polite.

Then his belt was gone, the pants hit the floor and – _Oh._

Needless to say, Meryl never heard a man apologize for having a large penis before.

Then again, he had never been with any man except Stud, and he couldn't reconcile that now for more penis-related references. Who knew, maybe this was the proper attitude one should have before exposing your partner to your genitalia. Maybe Stud's dick wasn't even THAT big– Ah, who was he kidding, it was big. _Proportionally_ so, Meryl should add. Stud was such a tall man that for some reasons, Meryl expected everything about Stud would just scale their sizes accordingly. His hands, his feet, his lungs(?), and now his.. penis. In a way, it made sense.

How long was he staring at Stud's penis without saying anything?

Well, long enough for Stud to start pleading "Please say something." He buried his face between both of his palms, blushing hard the tips of his ears were turning pink.

"Ah." Meryl snapped back to reality. "Impressive piece of hardware you have there, Stud."

Meryl might have just set a record for the quickest one could kill an erection. It should be noted though that the size? Did not change much! His stud was more of a shower and not a grower, apparently. The more you know. Oh, _stud._ Hahaha.

"We can just cuddle if you'd like," Meryl offered.

Stud peeked at him between his fingers. "Would that be alright?"

"It's more than alright, don't worry your handsome head about it." Meryl already lied down next to him and shifted closer. The bed wasn't quite big enough for both of them, but he liked that it meant they had to be _very_ close.

Stud wrapped him in his big, strong arms as Meryl rested his head on his pecs. He sighed, almost sounding relieved. They didn't even do anything sexual, but Meryl felt incredibly smug. Like he was now in the possession of a great secret the rest of the world was deprived of – which he probably was! His handsome, good-hearted boyfriend had a humongous penis. 

* * *

Meryl didn't bring it up again.

Why would he? There wasn't an occasion where it'd be relevant or polite to bring up the impressive girth AND length of his partner's penis. Besides, Stud seemed uncomfortable with it. Meryl didn't understand why, but he knew better than to risk upsetting Stud by making light of the issue. He sure thought about it a lot, though. He messed up his lines the other day because he was distracted by Stud's.. _equipment._

Stud was the one who brought it up first. They were having a date night, as they usually did at least once every week. Meryl came over so Stud wouldn't have to get a babysitter for Willy, and they didn't have to hold themselves back quite as much as they would outside. He was actually sitting in Stud's lap when Stud approached the topic of sex again.

"So, about the thing…"

Unfortunately, Meryl didn't realize what he was trying to say at first. "What thing?"

"You know. The one-eyed rattlesnake. The low neck and short sleeves." Stud drummed his fingers nervously on Meryl's thigh.

Meryl frowned. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"The gunt-wrench. The kidney-buster. The organ grinder."

"Those are terrifying words that I hope do not mean what I'm thinking of right now."

Stud was rambling now. "The peeny–"

Meryl's mouth hung open in astonishment. "Are you trying to say _penis?_ "

"The cock-opener.."

"Cock. You just said cock."

Stud flinched. "Did I scare you off last time?"

"Well, no, until I heard that it will bust my kidneys and various organs," Meryl teased. Though his joke came out a little flat and it made Stud squirm under him.

"Sorry," he mumbled and now Meryl was starting to get concerned.

"Are you apologizing to me for having a big cock.. _again?_ What's going on?"

"You said you never slept with a man, right?" Meryl nodded. "Yeah, well, I just don't want you to feel obligated to.. suit my needs. Not everyone could take me comfortably."

He heard men brag about how _so_ well-endowed they were that they hurt women before. So the fact that Stud was being one-hundred percent genuine truly caught him off-guard.

Still. "I never feel obligated to do anything, ever." He was only half-joking.

Stud chuckled, and seemed to relax a little. "There is more to it than just penetration, and –"

"I'm not ignorant about sex in general, Stud. I've _had_ sex." 

"– I wouldn't mind being on the receiving end, as it were. It's how I usually do it."

"Oh." His mind helpfully supplied him with many, many fantasies of Stud being on the 'receiving end.' "Good to know."

"Mm," Stud hummed in acknowledgment. Then he went back to nosing Meryl's hair as he was wont to do. He was like a big, clingy puppy.

Meryl pressed back into him. "But what do you _want_?"

"Hm?"

"Regardless of my lack of experience and your usual preference, what do you want to do?"

Stud was quiet for a second as he contemplated the question. Meryl heard a sharp inhale, and then Stud was pulling him closer by the waist and whispered into his ear.

"I really, really want to fuck you."

Meryl let out the strangest whimper he ever heard from his own mouth. Stud was the type to wear his heart on his sleeves and speak his mind. He should be used to it by now, and it was preferred how straightforward Stud was regarding their relationship (unlike Meryl's not-so-great experiences in the past.) He was still flustered anyway. Stud just had that effect on him.

"Is that your life-long fantasy?" Meryl asked.

"Believe it or not, it isn't." Stud gently trailed his kisses on the side of Meryl's neck. "I thought a lot about you.. dominating me. Put me in my place. Maybe call me names a bit, you know, nothing too cruel. Just a little mean."

Meryl snorted. "Sometimes I forget you're just like every white female fan I have."

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?" Stud hugged him tighter. Ouch! Fine.

" _No_ , it's just.. typical." Predictable _,_ at least. It would've been suspicious if he didn't know Stud. Though since he knew the man didn't have a single bad bone in his body, Meryl wanted to lean into it now. A little. 

"So what's with the change of heart? You don't think I could dominate you now that you met me?" Meryl asked.

"Oh, you can do that any time you like," he said with a chuckle. "It's just that – I want to turn the tables back on you now."

"I see, it's all connected."

"It is! Maybe I should be a writer," then he _bit_ Meryl. Which was NOT something writers were known to do.

"Stud!" Meryl yelped out loud. "I was _just_ thinking you were a dog, and now you are teething. Look at you."

"Aw, I'm a puppy? That's adorable." He licked over the bite mark. "Did you like it?"

Meryl moaned, his eyelids fluttered shut at the sensation. "Keep it below my collar."

He needed to be able to hide the marks, for decency's sake if nothing else. Thankfully, Stud was nothing but considerate. He popped the first few buttons of his shirt off, and pulled it down just enough to reveal his bare skin. As Stud kissed and bit the soft skin below his neck, his hands too began to roam, groping at Meryl's body through the fabric where his mouth couldn't claim. Meryl wanted to touch him back in kind, but Stud held him firmly in place. Stud was very conscious of his own strength, and he rarely used any force against Meryl. So when he applied his strength when he touched him, Meryl was left breathless. He couldn't do much but _struggled_ to keep his voice down as Stud toyed with him, lest Willy woke up at the most inopportune time.

At one point he felt Stud getting hard under him. Meryl himself was halfway there. Not as easily-excitable, but he got the enthusiasm. He could _really_ feel it though.

"Christ, it's as if I'm sitting on a rolled up mat!"

" _Noo_ , don't call it that!" Stud sounded horrified. "Meryl! That's horrible!"

"At least I don't call it a 'gut-wrench'. God, it's just a baguette under my ass. A whole salami, _uncut_ , if you know what I – "

Stud kissed him to shut him up. Damn him and his effective.. shutting-up method. Meryl hoped Stud considered himself very lucky that Meryl would just fall for the same trick again and again, because he liked kissing Stud too much. 

Stud palmed his erection through his pants, and then unbuttoned it. He put his other hand up to Meryl's mouth, eagerly Meryl sucked each digit between his lips, licking across his calloused pads and palm to provide what measly lubricant he could. The act itself was erotic, but the promise of what came after made him light-headed with desire. Stud's hand was wet and warm when it wrapped around his cock, coaxing pre-cum to drip out of him as he jerked Meryl along to a slick, steady rhythm. Meryl arched into his hand, but Stud just continued his pace patiently as ever.

Amidst the white-hot pleasure obscuring his thoughts, and the heat coiling in his abdomen, Meryl realized. "Wait, what about you – "

"Shh, it's okay. I want to do this. Let me take care of you." Stud's hand didn't stop for a _second_ , and now he was pressing into his perineum with his other hand and _oh god._ Meryl's eyes nearly crossed.

"Fine, but afterward – "

"You are going to wake him up."

That shut him up.

Stud stayed clothed the entire time, but Meryl’s pants were already at his ankles. He felt exposed, to the hot air inside the living room, and to Stud's intense gaze. His clothed erection was a constant reminder under him that Stud got hard _just_ from touching him, and from looking at him. It fed into his ego like nobody's business, and it made being touched and being watched _better,_ because he was aware of the effect it had on his lover.

Meryl came spilling all over Stud's hands, and burying his teeth into his own palm as not to make a sound. He was still shaking when he came down to, and Stud held him through it until the sensation became overwhelming. He let go of Meryl, and dropped him down gently on the couch. Before he could do or say anything, Stud was already pulling his pants up. Then he was gone mumbling about how he needed to wash his hands and he was going to bring Meryl some towels.. or something.

When he came back, the mood had already shifted. Stud asked him if he was hungry for some reasons and then offered him _snacks?_ Meryl tried to bring it up again, but everything about Stud's tone and attitude suggested they already moved past the sexual part of the night. They talked, Meryl ate some Junior Mints, Stud kissed him good night and then he drove himself home.

So what, he was never getting to touch his boyfriend's huge cock, was that it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meme of the chapter: 'SORRY FOR HAVING A FAT COCK I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE'.


	2. Chapter 2

Meryl had been writing down fun insults for Stud. That sounded wrong.  _ Sexy _ insults. Stud mentioned wanting Meryl to call him names, so this would be a treat for him. Although it was more difficult than he thought. Technically, it wouldn't be any different from acting. Except that he used to just mouth the alphabets, and his recent speaking roles weren't particularly good either. He hadn't been given as many lines as he would like to, and a lot of it consisted of foul words in languages Stud wouldn't understand anyway. 

So far Meryl got:

  * Boy (threateningly)
  * Stuart (Because he was no longer a stud, see) (nevermind it's just his first name this is nothing)
  * Cuck (What?)



It wasn't looking great.

He wanted to do something for Stud. It felt as if he was overcompensating, because his endowment made him incompatible with his partners. Which, _fine_ , but that didn't necessarily mean he must prioritize his partner's pleasure above his own. It seemed to be a recurring problem with Stud. He put his nephew before his dream, he put _other_ people's dreams above his, and he would risk life and limps in matters that didn't involve him simply because it was the right thing to do. Meryl did not succeed when he tried to psychoanalyze his poor friend Robert, but this time he was certain that Stud's bad habits stemmed from his gigantic penis. 

Well, hm..

Yes, that sounded right.

It was about time someone finally took care of Stud the way he deserved. Meryl was the best man for this job, the only man actually since he was dating Stud,  _ but _ he was also a true romantic. A rare specimen in these days and age. He knew how to cherish someone and made them feel like a royalty. Also, he was amazing in bed. He had no idea how Stud got the impression that he never orally serviced his partner or whatever. Pfft.

He just needed to take the initiative. Instead of waiting for Stud to bring it up, Meryl will approach the subject of sex on their next date night. 

That was the plan, until the day arrived and Meryl had the  _ worst _ day on set. Sex wasn't even on his mind once as he drove to the Stampler residence nearly fuming at the mouth. It was a miracle he didn't crash into someone on the way there. 

"You would not believe the day I've had!" Meryl threw his fur coat onto the back of the dining chair, as he stomped into the kitchen where Stud was making dinner. "Where do I start? The movie is a rip-off. The director is a fraud. _ He  _ said I have an attitude problem. Of COURSE I have an attitude problem, I am an actor!"

Stud had the look of realization on his face that said  _ oh, he is in one of those moods again _ , and quietly chuckled to himself. Meryl sat down, crossed legs, and just poured his frustration out into a long rant. Stud didn't say much but a few  _ Uh-huh, yeah, no,  _ here and there. He knew Meryl just needed to get it out of his system, and didn't mind if he was doing something else as long as he listened. So Stud cooked his disturbing squash concoctions, Meryl let him know he missed out on nothing in showbiz  _ but  _ grief. 

He must've gone on for quite some time. During a spiel about the director's widow's peak down his nose, Stud placed the plate of food down in front of him. Baked squash, buttered brussel sprouts, beef?, some sort of loaf, just an upsetting amalgamation of vegetables and meat that could feed an army. It smelled good though.

"Is this for me?"

"It is. Willy already ate before you came over." Stud sat down at the other side of the table. He rested his head on the table, cushioned by his crossed arms. He tilted his head a little when he looked at Meryl. It was adorable.

Meryl didn't think he was hungry, but turned out he could still eat. A lot. Stud watched him with an amused grin, and without a word. Already satisfied that he got to feed Meryl. Everything about it felt.. domestic. The comfortable silence they shared, the smells of a homemade dish, and the warm golden-brown light that poured through the kitchen's window as the sun set, dyeing everything sepia. Suddenly he felt nostalgic for something he never had; coming home to someone.

"Is Willy in his room?" Meryl asked.

"He's over at his friends' house right now. Their parents will drop him off later."

Meryl's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. "He has  _ friends _ ?"

"Yes! I was so relieved," Stud said. "I worried he wouldn't have any friends, but now he is the leader of their group. Other kids just follow him around. He's a popular little guy."

"How about that," Meryl whistled. 

"Do you want children, Meryl?"

"Absolutely not," Meryl responded instantly as if repulsed. Stud seemed taken aback. "I took care of Robert's cats for him once while he and Sally were on vacation. On day three, they started draping themselves across my furs and meowing to jazz records."

"Having children isn't the same as cats though." Stud nervously laughed.

"No, they are even more impressionable. I shudder to think what they will learn from me if even cats pick up my habits that fast." After a brief pause, he added. "If I'm around enough for them to imitate that is."

Stud frowned. It might just be one of the rare, few times Stud looked genuinely displeased with him. "Don't joke about that."

Meryl blinked. Did he… oh, it slipped out before he even registered it. "I didn't mean to – Okay."

Stud deflated, the fight went out of him so fast you could see the second his shoulders slump down, his eyebrows furrowed. "Sorry. I'll drop the subject."

Meryl watched Stud squirm under his stare. "I am upsetting you."

"No, no, it's fine."

Out of nowhere, Meryl remembered what he originally planned to do. He dropped the fork in his hand. "Ah, shit!"

Stud startled in his chair. "What's wrong?"

Meryl slapped his forehead with his palm. "I meant to seduce you and then suck your cock. I even brought my fur."

"You meant to do  **_what_ ** "

"Instead I'm just eating your food and upsetting you," Meryl groaned.

Stud looked horrified. "I don't mind!"

"You were clearly upset about the kid thing."

"I meant I don't mind you eating my food. I want you to eat more," Stud blushed at that. Meryl had no idea why. "And I don't mind you not.."

"Sucking your cock?"

He blushed even harder. "You don't have to."

"I don't  _ have  _ to do it, but I want to." Meryl clarified. "Sucking your cock."

"I got it."

"Just wanted to be clear." Meryl looked around. "You still got those junior mints around?"

Apparently that was the funniest thing Stud had ever heard. He outright  _ cackled  _ with his whole body, he needed to hold onto the table or else he would've keeled over. 

"..What?"

"Please just finish your food," Stud said, still trying to suppress his laughter.

"Fine." Maybe he found Meryl eating arousing. 

"I'll take care of the dishes."

Meryl looked up at him. "What is it with you and insisting to do everything yourself?" 

He looked off into the distance, and even though he was still chuckling, Stud sounded tired. "Who else would do it?"

It made him uneasy.

"Me?" That got his attention back. "I am offering."

Stud sighed. "Do you really want to? Everytime, my partner always get curious and they end up not liking – "

"THE DISHES." Christ, this was going nowhere. "I'm offering to wash the dishes. It's the least I can do."

"Oh!" Stud looked him over. "Do you.. know how to?"

…

"How hard can it–"

"I will do it."

Damn. At this point Stud was going to suck his own cock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meme of the chapter: Why do bash “dead-beat” dads for not being there for their kids but we never question if the child has bad vibes? Or if they’re just unpleasant to be around?


	3. Chapter 3

Meryl had no carpentry knowledge prior to meeting Stud. He didn't know how often Stud would be bending over things showing off his ass. He didn't know that when Stud reached high places, his shirt would ride up over his stomach. He definitely didn't know that when Stud strained his muscles to pick something up, Meryl would be able to see him  _ flex _ . 

As it turned out, carpentry was very entertaining to watch. 

Meryl had been watching him work for – what, an hour now? and there wasn't a single dull moment. If anything, it only got better the longer it went on, because Stud would get sweatier and breathe a little harder. Sometimes he even _grunted._ Meryl was very into the grunting. All the guttural, out-of-breath, sounds. They were music to his ears. 

"It's going to take a while. Are you sure you don't want to wait somewhere else?"

Meryl leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arm. "It's quite alright, Stud. I like the view from here."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind that," Meryl changed the subject. "It's my apartment, shouldn't I get to supervise?"

Stud nodded. "That's fair."

Meryl's apartment was in a state of disarray. He stopped putting in the efforts once he realized there was no way he could possibly bring anyone over. It was shameful; a far cry from the luxury his mansion provided. So if nobody was ever going to see it, then he had no reason to keep up the appearance. Besides, as much as he loathed his current living situation, it seemed oddly fitting with the direction his career was heading toward. As he stepped inside, he thought to himself  _ oh, this was my life now.  _ He resigned himself to it.

He didn't expect to get into a relationship so soon, and he certainly didn't expect himself to be comfortable around Stud enough to show him where he lived. Stud wasn't judgemental; he was concerned because everything was falling apart. There were holes in the ceiling that wild animals could wander in. Parts of the walls were chipping off and recently crumbled down, leaving a sizable hole. The floors were collapsing. Meryl moved some furniture from his mansion with him, a vanity, a writing desk, a bed, and an armchair to name a few examples. They were apparently too heavy for the rotten, molded floors. Who would've thought. The windows were broken, the kitchen cabinet's door fell off as soon as you touched it, the stove was faulty, the fireplace…

"How did you let it get this bad?" Stud was  _ horrified. _

Well, he covered the holes in the floor with his ornate rugs, and the ones in the walls with his picture frames. He ate outside instead of bothering to cook, as he would take every opportunity to not spend time in his apartment. It was too depressing. There was also a period of time where he couldn't afford to repair  _ anything _ without selling his prized possession, but that was too humiliating to admit. Even to someone as understanding as Stud.

"I never noticed," Meryl said with a shrug, which might've just made Stud even more worried.

Stud offered to repair everything in his apartment, for free even, but Meryl insisted on hiring him. His wealth was  _ nothing _ compared to the peak of his success back in the silent era, but he was still far better off than Stud. His good nature only extended so far until he was reminded that he must care for his hellspawn of a nephew. He gave in, and for the past few weeks had been coming over to work on the repairs.

"You need to throw away your mounted porcelains."

Meryl didn't even pause to consider it. "No, that's absurd."

Stud turned to look at him, bewildered. "The mounts are gilt bronze!"

"And?"

He let out a nervous laugh as if in shock. "They contain Mercury, Meryl."

And that was how star of the silent era Meryl Streep narrowly avoided mercury poisoning.

* * *

By the time he was done for the day, Stud sweated through his shirt. Sexy, but probably not very comfortable, so Meryl let him clean up in the bathroom. The one part of his apartment that in comparison to the rest was looking pristine. He decided to step in after a while, slowly stripping off his suit in front of him.

"May I join you?" Meryl asked, his jacket already halfway off his arms. He made a show out of it until he was completely naked; he knew he looked good.

Stud blushed, and nodded. His frame was too large for Meryl's bathtub, so he had no way to hide the way he flushed pink all over his body. Partially due to the heat, but mostly Meryl. There wasn't any space left at all between the two of them as Meryl settled on his thighs. The water felt nice, but he liked the feeling of bare skin against bare skin better. Meryl debated which direction he should face, though he ended up facing Stud so he could appreciate his rippling muscles. His broad shoulders, large, surprisingly soft-looking chest, and toned stomach. He recognized Stud's good look the first time he saw him, but it took some time to process just how deeply he was attracted to him. That it wasn't just an objective observation unrelated to how he felt.

Meryl shifted his hips, trying to get comfortable, and just like that he felt Stud growing hard under him. He  _ saw _ Stud squeezed his eyes shut, a strangled whimper escaped from his lips as his body betrayed him. He sounded like a wounded puppy and even looked like one too.

Meryl smirked. "Eager, aren't you?"

Stud cracked one eyelid open, just a tad, too embarrassed still to meet Meryl in the eyes. "I couldn't help it."

"Of course, who could? In front of  _ me _ ?" Meryl traced his hand down Stud's chest. "Look at you, you are  _ trembling _ ."

"Meryl.."

"You just lie back and relax." Meryl shifted back to give himself room to maneuver. He was doing it.  _ It was happening. _ "I'm going to touch you now, alright?"

Stud nodded. Meryl reached down, placed his palm flat against his length, and –

"I can't wrap my hand around it," Meryl muttered in disbelief. He even attempted again two or three times as if that would make a difference.

He didn't have small hands by any means – they were perfectly adequate. He  _ looked _ big, but he felt even bigger in Meryl's hand. Hands. Meryl had to use both hands now to get a proper grip. It was awkward, since usually he wouldn't touch himself with both hands at once in such a way. Though with only one hand, Meryl's thumb couldn't even connect with the tip of his middle finger, and it was clumsy to get a rhythm going. His hand slipped easily with how wet everything was. Meryl thought he would at least have the basics down, regardless of his lack of experience, since they both had the same parts, so to speak. Apparently not. Turned out there were always more things to learn, where Stud liked to be touched, how much pressure he should apply, how fast..

"Is this good?" Meryl asked and studied Stud's responses. The way he bit his lips and he moaned, the tension in his shoulders dissipated, and his hips began to roll.

"Yeah," Stud sighed. "Yeah."

"You are bigger than my wrist. Have you ever noticed?"

"I have," he admitted. "I really.. like your wrists."

Meryl snorted, but decided to let him off the hook for now without teasing him further. It was flattering that Stud found every part of him attractive (although it was a given), including something as insignificant as his wrists. Well, Meryl liked him too. Him and his truly absurd penis.

Stud was breathing hard now, panting, leaking pre-cum on Meryl's hands. "Are you going to come?"

Stud gave him a shaky nod, his eyes shut tight.

Then an idea struck Meryl. "Do you want to finish on my face?".

Oh, that got his attention alright. Now Stud was looking at him, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. "I – yes. Yes, yes, please. Please let me."

Meryl chuckled. "Since you asked so nicely.."

He leaned in closer and tried to aim, which wasn't difficult when Stud was this big. Stud watched him, captivated, his expression consumed by lust. Did he even remember to blink? He was so eager for it, Meryl wouldn't be surprised if he started counting the seconds, but he was too busy moaning and  _ whining _ .

Meryl was excited, too. He didn't know he would be this into it, but getting these reactions out of Stud was as satisfying as it was arousing. He had the only thought in his mind – making him come. That was until Stud –

"Please move in with me."

Meryl startled. "Why would you ask me  _ now  _ when I'm stroking your cock – "

Stud came. A lot. Meryl was not ready for it. No matter how much he prepared for it and even if Stud's question didn't catch him off-guard, there was no way he could be ready for the sheer amount of it. He had to be extremely pent up or had some sort of condition, because it was not a reasonable amount of semen humans should be producing. It didn't get into his eyes, fortunately, but some of it got on his eyelashes, hair, and a  _ lot _ of it got into his mouth. Meryl spluttered while Stud apologized furiously. It took what felt like years until they both calmed down (after Meryl washed the residues off and  _ out  _ of him. Ugh.)

"Did you have to ask me  _ then? _ " Meryl put on his bathrobe, while Stud dried himself off with a towel.

"I just.. I saw your face and I thought  _ he is the most beautiful man I've ever seen. _ " Nevermind, Meryl wasn't annoyed with him after all. "And he almost died from mercury poisoning. Also, his apartment is filled with holes."

Meryl rolled his eyes. "It's not that bad."

"It is!"

"You're not responsible for my well-being, Stud."

"Can you please at least stay with me until the repairs are done? I don't want you to fall through your floors."

"I put the rug there for a reason." Stud remained unconvinced. "Fine, I will consider it, but no promises."

Meryl had a feeling that Stud knew he was just saying it to make him drop the subject. If he did, he decided not to press further. 

Stud bent down and kissed him on the forehead. "Thank you."

Meryl stared at him. "Didn't want to taste your own semen, huh?"

"...Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meme of the chapter: "Damn bitch, you live like this?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Didn't know you like lollipops so much, Mr. Streep!" The PA said with joy, amused that they've stumbled upon some secrets on set they could brag to their friends later. It was the only benefit of this job for them anyway.

"Did I ask you to speak? Give me that." Meryl yanked the lollipop out of their hand. "Now shoo!"

Deflated, the young PA excused themselves out of his dressing room. Meryl unwrapped the lollipop and held it in front of him to examine. It was the large, swirly one, with red and white patterns. The type of candy children would go crazy for but never could finish, and adults with all the time in the world couldn't partake either because it looked far too juvenile. When he spun it around, it was almost hypnotizing. The smooth, glossy surface reflected all the lights in the room back to him.

Meryl brought the lollipop to his lips and gave it a few tentative licks. It tasted faintly of peppermint, but sweeter. Too sweet. He grimaced as he put it in his mouth. His lips could wrap around it, though it wasn't a comfortable fit. The stretch alone made him want to gag, even though it wasn't poking at his throat. Meryl suppressed the urge and tried to just hold in his mouth. No sucking, no moving, no licking. For now.

The key was to be  _ mindful. _ Meryl had to focus on the task, lest his impulse got the better of him. The lollipop was fragile. His movements – or lack thereof – must be deliberate.

Where did the PA find this lollipop, anyway? He didn't think of that before he told them to go get it. The poor excuse of a 'craft service' here only provided saltines and olives as usual. Was there a candy store around here? Probably. Meryl vaguely remembered seeing something like that around the corner.. or was it a laundromat? Ah, that reminded him he still needed to get his suits from the laundromat. He frequented the one owned by the Chinese family because they starched his shirts right. They weren't fond of him though. Stud never starched his shirt. Meryl supposed he didn't need the additional rigidity with his labor-intensive job. Hmm, Stud. Stud, Stud, Stud. Stuart? No. Stud. Now that was a good showbiz name. His surname? Not so much. Although it did have a ring to it.

The door was pulled open; a new PA peeked her head into the room. "Mr. Streep sir, you are up in five."

Meryl nodded. He snapped the lollipop broken with his teeth, crushing it into tiny bits so he could swallow them down.

…

Damnit.

* * *

  
He got another lollipop eventually. Grape, tasted like shit, but it will do. He sucked on it while Stud fixed his room. They were spending a lot more time together now that he worked for him. They met almost everyday, unlike before when they had to schedule their date night. Though mostly Stud just grunted a lot while Meryl ogled him from a distance. Sometimes he would comment on the sorry state of his apartment, but that was it. Stud focused on the job first and foremost. It was very sexy of him.

It took awhile for him to notice what Meryl was doing. When he did, he turned to Meryl and repeated almost the exact same words. "I didn't know you like candy, that's great!"

Meryl wasn't irritated by his remark. The double standard was obvious, it seemed. 

Meryl moved the lollipop to the side so he could still speak with it inside his cheek. "This is your cock."

Stud spluttered and almost tripped over his feet.  _ "It is?" _

"Yes, I'm practicing." Doing so with a real penis would probably be more helpful, but Stud had a choking hazard in his pants.

Stud watched while he considered his next step. Slowly, he approached Meryl, and by doing so backing him against the wall. Meryl could feel the heat wafted from his skin, the smells of sweat that should be repulsing but somehow – it didn't bother him that much. It was just Stud. Meryl looked up at him, his hands shoved into his pockets, the lollipop's stick hanging between his lips. Stud blushed. So easy.

He hesitated a great deal before he held onto the lollipop's stick. Meryl let him. With a gentle motion, Stud pulled the lollipop of his mouth. The barely audible  _ pop  _ as it passed between Meryl's lips deepened Stud's blushing to bright red. He took a deep breath, trying to look and sound calm. Although the dark glint in his eyes betrayed his demeanor. 

Stud twirled the lollipop around in front of him, between what little space between them, under scrutiny.

"It's cracked," he said, sounding disappointed.  _ So that was how he wanted to play. _

"I nibbled on it," Meryl admitted with a disinterested shrug and turned elsewhere. He didn't even have to try to look small, he  _ was _ . Stud dwarfed everyone with his height. 

"That won't do," Stud  _ tutted.  _ Oh, that was adorable. "Look at me, Meryl."

Meryl sighed and rolled his eyes at him when he looked up. Stud brought the lollipop back to his lips again.

"Open your mouth," he said– no,  _ ordered _ .

Meryl feigned annoyance. "This is ridiculous– Mm!"

Stud gripped his chin with one hand and pushed the lollipop in with the other. He held Meryl in place to make sure he looked at him in the eyes. Not with much force, but any force he used at all was a pleasant surprise. Meryl knew he had it in him yet it still baffled him every time. 

"Mind your teeth now," he said and began to move, in, out, slowly. "Suck."

Meryl tried to comply. The lollipop was smaller than his first one, so he could wrap his lips around it easier, but Stud was also able to push it deeper as well. Stud started off slow, but he got rougher and deeper with every thrust. It was much harder when someone else dictated the rhythm. Meryl kept drooling, couldn't quite manage to swallow around the lollipop when Stud was fucking his mouth with it. He grabbed Stud's wrist with both hands to slow him down, but Stud overpowered him and pressed on. Meryl choked on a particularly deep thrust, and bit down on it. The lollipop shattered.

Stud pulled out from his mouth. His expression turned dark as he stared at the lone stick, still slick with spit and syrup. He looked at the broken pieces of lollipop on Meryl's tongue, and thrusted the stick into his mouth once more, making him suck on it. Meryl's eyes watered as he gagged.

Stud muttered under his breath,  _ "Useless slut." _

Meryl stared at him, eyes nearly bulging out of his sockets. What.

Stud let go immediately. His expression changed in an instant before the stick even hit the floors. He looked equal parts ashamed and horrified of his words. He couldn't apologize fast enough.

"Oh god, I am sorry!" Stud backed away from Meryl. His entire face was blushing to a concerning degree of red. "That was horrible. I am so sorry."

"It was fine, Stud. Just unexpected." Meryl was surprised, rather than disturbed. It was a just string of extremely non-Stud words. He took a step toward Stud. "You didn't offend me."

"I shouldn't, I shouldn't have – uh – " He backed away from Meryl even further, nearly hyperventilating. 

Meryl stopped and stood in the same spot, giving him space to breathe. "Calm down, take a deep breath."

"I.. Okay. I'm just going to..breathe.." He took another step.

Wait, shit! "Stud, the rug!"

"Huh?  **Ahhh!!"**

Stud fell through the fucking floors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chekohv's hole. hehe.
> 
> meme of the chapter: i.. could not think of one. damn.


	5. Chapter 5

Stud Stampler had been in a hospital for the past few days. He suffered, many, many broken bones. His spirit of course remained unfazed. This man lost both of his eyes, and only got slightly angry before he proceeded to apologize. Broken bones could not dampen Stud Stampler's optimism. 

Stud told him it was not the first time he broke his bones. He spent his childhood climbing up trees and getting into fights. (He probably stood up to bullies and rescued cats from trees. You know, heroic nonsense. Meryl rolled his eyes at the thought.. _ fondly. _ ) Carl used to get into troubles all the time, and Stud followed him right along. Well, Carl was now getting into fights in hell, and Stud still needed to be cleared for work by the doctor.

_ "Weren't you blind?"  _ The doctor squinted at Stud.

_ "Does this hospital only have  _ **_one_ ** _ doctor?" _

Meryl then reminded him of their past arrangement, and that was the end of it.

Willy was staying with the Wilsons. Meryl didn't think they would take him in, what with them just recently discovered Sally was pregnant and all. Though apparently they saw it as a 'trial' and were enthusiastic for the opportunity. Well, if by the time Stud got out of the hospital their house wasn't already burned down, those two lovebirds could raise any child into an angel. So far they hadn't sent Meryl telegrams begging him to pick Willy up yet. That had to be a good sign.

Meryl had  _ not _ been staying by Stud's side nursing him back to health. Firstly, nurses were paid to do that. Secondly, he wouldn't even know where to begin and Stud would most likely just get worse, somehow. Though Meryl had been trying to visit Stud as often he could. NOT his fault the apartment building was so old, and certainly not his fault Stud didn't watch where he was going (it was a BIG rug. Purple.) He still felt bad for Stud anyway. And guilty. And worried. And partially responsible. Great.

Stud was rubbing off on him (Or not yet. If he was he wouldn't have fallen through the floors.)

Meryl visited him with a basket of fresh fruits, a newspaper (Meryl could read it for him), and some candy bars. Stud appreciated the gesture, though when his face lit up as Meryl entered the room, he wasn't even looking at what was in Meryl's hand. He was looking at Meryl. 

It made his heart beat just a little faster.

Meryl pulled a chair next to his bed and sat down to slice him some pears. That… was the most nurturing he could possibly be. It felt liberating in a way, because he could be ‘’intimate’’ with Stud in a public setting. No one would bat an eye if they see Meryl feeding him pears because Stud was  _ drowning  _ in bandages and body casts. God, that must've hurt.

“You peel fruits outward,” Stud noted.

“Yes?” Meryl frowned. “That’s how you’re supposed to do it.”

“My father used to say it means you’re selfish and bad with money.”

“What? Your father is full of shit!” Meryl snorted. “What sense does that make?”

“Because you avoid cutting yourself by turning your knife toward others, see.” Stud laughed at his own father's logic.

“How do you peel it then?"

"I don't."

Meryl tilted his head. "And? What does that make you?"

"The exception to the rule," he said and waited with his mouth open for more pears.

Meryl had half a mind to shove it down his throat, but he was the one with broken bones.

"This is really good," Stud chewed and talked at the same time. Meryl shouldn't find it endearing, but he did.

"It's an Asian pear. Tastes different, doesn't it?" Meryl hunched over Stud to wipe the corner of his mouth.

"It does. I never knew." He sounded impressed. "Thank you for the gifts."

While still hovering over him, Meryl leaned down until their faces were almost touching. His whisper could linger on Stud's lips at this close. "So I'm not such a useless slut after all."

Stud died. The end. He murdered him. Meryl could see his soul leaving his body in that exact second. Stud couldn't cover his face. Had nowhere to escape when he was bedbound. Meryl just wanted to tease him really, but perhaps he was a bit too deadpan in his delivery. He leaned back into his chair and continued slicing the pear. Stud remained dead.

"I still feel bad about that," he groaned.

"You broke every single bone in your body, I think you've been punished enough."

"I didn't break  _ all _ of them! I would've died if I did."  _ That _ was the part he wanted to argue?

Meryl sneered. "Oh I don't think you would have. You climbed a lot of trees, remember?"

"You are very mean to me sometimes," he  _ pouted. _ Now wasn't that just precious.

"I thought that's what you like about me."

"Be nice. I broke every single bone in my body,  _ remember? _ "

Meryl shut him up with another piece of pear.

Well, he attempted to. Stud still talked through it. "I hope you know that I'm sorry."

"You need to stop doing that," Meryl sighed. "I told you it was alright, didn't I?"

"You did. I just need you to know I wasn't being malicious."

"Of course you weren't."  _ Not with that huge erection. _ "You don't have it in you."

Stud didn't look convinced. "I would never think of you less because of your past relationships."

"No one thinks of me less because I've been with a lot of women, Stud. They think it's very attractive." Meryl paused. "Well, some men think I'm going to steal their wives and single-handedly destroy the traditional American family, but they don't use the word slut for that."

Stud frowned, though he seemed more upset at himself than he was at Meryl. "You are so nonchalant about all of this."

"Shouldn't I be?"

"It was unlike me, don't you think?"

It  _ was _ uncharacteristic of him. Although Meryl wouldn't say that was necessarily a bad thing. "Is that why it bothers you?"

"Yeah," Stud admitted. "I don't like the implication of it."

"Of what?"

"Of the things I want," he muttered. "The things I like."

He could almost fill in the blanks. _The things I want to do to you. The things I like about you._ (It wouldn't be the first time.)  Meryl had a feeling he was stepping on something sensitive. He wasn't quite sure how best to approach it. 

"It wasn't different from acting, was it?" Meryl tried anyway. "I play all manners of villain and monster. You wouldn't say that implied anything about me as a man."

He was the exception to the rule, after all.

"But that's your career."

"Fine." Meryl was careful to lower his voice down. "You wanted  _ me _ to dominate you. Does that make me predatory? Abusive? Violent–"

"No!" Stud nearly bolted from his own bed in shock. He would've if he could. "No, you're not, Meryl. I love you."

Meryl thought he heard it wrong, but the silence that followed confirmed it. Everything came to a halt. The conversation, the knife stuck midway into the pear, his heart in his throat. Meryl's veins ran cold. He couldn't.. say it.

Why couldn't he say it back?

He deflected. "Ah.. yes, see? The same logic should be applied to you as well. Regardless of your wants."

"Maybe." Stud didn't call him out on it. Bless him. "It's hard for me to believe that you could separate it from a person that easily."

"You're a good man, Stud." It was one of the few things Meryl could say and meant it.

Stud smiled. "Hey, thanks."

"A good man like you can call me a whore any time."

_"Meryl!"_ Stud whimpered. "I didn't say wh-whor–"

Meryl looked back down to his pear. "Almost got it, boy. Keep going."

"You are a horrible, horrible man."

Meryl laughed a bitter laugh. He was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meme of the chapter: imagine tasting like shit and having a horrible texture. this post was made by asian pear gang. FUCK european pears all my homies hate european pears.
> 
> i did some searching to see when asian pears got to america, and it got there since the gold rush! then afterward they began to grow it over there too. neat! meryl was NOT going to be eating fucking european pears, he is a sophisticated man.


	6. Chapter 6

In the end, Stud  _ did _ get him to move in. Sort of. Meryl needed a place to stay now that his apartment had a Stampler-shaped hole in it, and Stud needed a house sitter. A more sensible arrangement would be Meryl house sitting _ and  _ babysitting for Stud. Though since he lacked both the desire and the ability to take care of a child, it was for the best that Willy remained with the Wilsons while Meryl stayed at the Stampler Residence.

It was nice; he missed not having to step around a hole everytime he wanted to take a piss. The neighbors were kind, considerate, and  _ very  _ excited about having the star Meryl Streep next door. Unlike his previous neighbors, the rats and drunkards who could not recognize talents even if he was living next to them. The Stampler Residence was nowhere near as large and as majestic as his mansion, but at least he had space to walk around, and a front yard. Meryl knew nothing of yard maintenance – he hired gardeners for that – but the idea of having it was nice.

Perhaps moving in with Stud might not have been such a bad idea.

Although what Meryl (inevitably) caught himself doing a lot of was getting into Stud's personal business. It was difficult to avoid, after all Meryl was sleeping in his bed under a poster of himself. Tried as he might – though admittedly not very hard – Meryl kept finding out things about him. Stud just moved here not too long ago when he was granted the guardianship of Willy Stampler, but he was quick to make this place feel like home. Decorations, handmade furniture, picture frames, keepsakes and all sorts of momentos littered throughout the house. All of them combined to tell a narrative of the Stampler household.

What first caught Meryl's attention was a framed photograph on the bedside table of Stud and who he guessed to be Carl. In hindsight, Meryl should've noticed it along ago, but he was more interested in a poster of himself above the bed. (Those were not easy to come by. Stud had to go out of his way to find one. It was flattering.) In the photo, Stud and Carl were standing side by side on a dock. They held a fishing rod in one of their hands, and embraced their brother with the other. His first impression was that Carl looked like Stud if Stud wanted to be in the military instead of on broadway. Aside from a few years of maturity, Carl looked to be a lot rougher around the edges as well. A scarred eyebrow, a broken nose, and a hint of danger. Carl spotted a thick, impressive moustache and sideburns, unlike his brother's smooth shaven baby face. He was taller than Stud – which Meryl didn't think was possible – and he was bigger, too. Large beer gut that looked hardened underneath his overalls, and a pair of hairy arms as thick as a tree trunk. Stud smiled with his eyes, Carl smiled with his teeth. He looked like one mean son of a bitch.

Regardless, they both looked happy. Meryl couldn't help but wonder  _ what happened? _

Meryl was an only child. He didn't know what it would be like to have a sibling, to lose one, and to abandon your life as you knew it to pick up the pieces after their departure.

There was so much they still didn't know about each other. How could Stud be so sure?

How could he say it?

Stud collected many things for sentimental value. Fishing lures, film tickets, newspaper pages, and more. Amongst the clutter, Meryl caught a glimpse of himself. Cut outs from interviews, photographs, and even a few illustrations. It didn't occur to him that Stud knew him before he knew Stud. When you were as famous as Meryl was, that was just how things were. He even came to expect it  _ and  _ would be offended if the other person had never heard of him. Still. He knew him before meeting him, and he liked him before he  _ liked _ him, too. Was he..?

Sometimes Meryl wondered how much of it was him and how much of it was  _ him. _ He hesitated every time he heard it. His initial reaction was always to dismiss it.

Was he being cruel to Stud when he didn't say it back?

And here he thought he could be as honest, as vulnerable as Stud was. There was still a limit to how much risk he would subject himself to, and they just reached it.

Meryl couldn't sleep that night.

He kept thinking about _ it _ ; he couldn't calm down. Too tense to sleep. Meryl reached down under his pants, thinking he could just masturbate to tire himself out as usual, but then he stopped. He was in Stud's house. He was on Stud's  _ bed. _ Once he thought of that, a simple act of masturbation for the sake of  _ sleep _ immediately turned into a perverted one. He didn't mean for it to be, and it wasn't like Stud was there to see or that he would be inappropriate about it. One thing for sure though: Meryl couldn't stop thinking about him now. He would be touching himself while thinking of Stud, no doubt about it. Meryl became intensely aware of how everything in the room smelled like Stud, but especially the bed. The blanket, the sheets. He might even be able to feel the warmth his absence left behind.

Meryl pulled his pants down, exposing himself to the cold air that sent shivers down his spine. He made do with spit for the first few strokes to get himself hard. He didn't know where Stud kept his oils, and it didn't feel right to borrow it for this purpose. His spit dried quick, but once he was leaking pre-cum all over the tip, it became easier. Better. Meryl closed his eyes and sure enough Stud appeared behind his eyelid; the only thing in his mind. Stud was a big, strong man. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that he could as well snap Meryl in half. Even in his deepest fantasy, Meryl could not imagine himself overpowering Stud. It was unnecessary. All those muscles served no purpose because Meryl wouldn't need to apply force at all – only words. Stud was eager to please, so obedient that he would kneel and crawl on all four if Meryl commanded so. Fuck, that was good.

He thought of how easily flustered Stud was; the way he blushed to his neck all pink and pretty. How good he could be for Meryl.  _ How good he had been. _ The way he whimpered and moaned every time he was touched. How he got so excited just from looking at Meryl. Stud was so..  _ needy. _ For all the strength he possessed and even with that huge cock of his, Stud had the instinctive  _ need  _ to roll on his back and show his belly like a good boy. Meryl wanted to hold him down and just  _ ride _ him.

Curious, Meryl used his other free hand to reach down further. He shifted on the bed for a more comfortable angle and touched himself.. there. Meryl had been with a few crafty women who slipped a little something in while they pleasured him with their mouths. It felt different though when it was just him. Alone. He couldn't do much with spit and pre-cum; penetration would be too painful. So Meryl just prodded at the ring of muscles there, rubbing at it while stroking his cock with his other hand. It felt incredibly tight no matter how much he tried to relax. He couldn't stop the involuntary clenching when  _ just  _ the tip of his finger pressed against his anus. He wasn't even trying to put it in. How could he take Stud if a single finger felt impossible?

His fantasy shifted – now it was him struggling to ride Stud. Eager to get fucked, but couldn't even take the tip inside. Too overwhelmed by the stretch that he just stopped there with a blissed out expression on his face. His mouth hung open as a long whimper escaped from his lips. Stud grabbed his hips with both hands and  _ those words _ flashed into his mind, hot and heavy like a sudden fever.  _ "Useless slut." _

Meryl came so hard it left him shaking, and it took him forever to collect himself and clean up. So not only those words did not offend him – they aroused him. Mery wanted to take it as hard as he gave it. There was something undeniably arousing about Stud dropping his good boy act, even though Stud's conscience wouldn't let himself enjoy it without guilt. Well, shit.

At least he was tired enough to sleep now. Big cock, broken bones, sexual shame, and fear of commitment would just have to wait tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the Carl Descriptions I've crossed out
> 
> \- Carl looked like Stud if Stud was racist  
> \- Carl looked like Stud if Stud was put into a meat grinder  
> \- Carl looked like Stud if Stud despised bathing  
> \- Carl looked like Stud if Stud used his good looks for evil  
> \- Carl looked like Stud if Stud bullied his classmates in highschool


	7. Chapter 7

The nurses were giggling to themselves when Meryl entered the room. A standard response – albeit less enthusiastic than Meryl was accustomed to. He expected at least _one_ confession of untoward thoughts, screaming, and fainting. Regardless, it was nice to be recognized; the attention he received these days had not been flattering. They were surprised to see him not because he was the famous Meryl Streep, they were surprised to see him at all. Once you stopped being relevant, you ceased to exist in their eyes.

"Good evening, ladies." Meryl greeted them with his killer smile, and of course the pre-signed headshot he kept in his day bag at all time.

The giggles turned into nervous laughter and gradually died down. They exchanged looks between themselves, then at him, and left without a word. His headshot wasn't spared even a single glance.

"How about you give that to me instead?" Stud cheerily offered. Ever the gentleman.

Meryl put his headshot down on Stud's face in spite. Stud snorted so hard he almost blew it away. "Were they flirting with you?" Meryl asked.

He swore Stud was smirking under there. "Are you jealous?"

"I.. wasn't." He forgot about that. He forgot he _could._ Meryl crossed his arms and squinted at him. "Should I be?"

"I only have eyes for you," Stud said. "Especially now. Can you please take it off?"

"Unfortunately for you, _I'm_ going to be the only thing you see from now on." Meryl left the headshot where it was, and did not move even an inch.

"You know what, I can live with that. There are worse fates than seeing your beautiful – " 

Nevermind. What a hopeless, hopeless sap. Meryl took his headshot back, much to Stud's disappointment.

"Aww," he looked at Meryl. "Wow. You're blushing."

"You sound surprised," Meryl scoffed.

"I am. I used to think you must receive all kinds of flattery that nothing could surprise you anymore. But it's always the little things that get you."

Meryl never thought of it that way before, but Stud was right. The most obscene things barely registered in his mind, but Stud called him pretty _once_ and Meryl hadn't yet recovered since. 

"Having fun trying to solve me?" Meryl asked.

"You make it sounds bad. I just love learning about you." Meryl noticed his choice of words there. What he loved _about_ him. Huh. "Meryl?"

"I'm listening."

Stud frowned. "They weren't flirting with me, you know."

"Oh, no, I'm not – " Meryl shook his head. He might as well just go along with it. "What were they doing then?"

"Uh." The prettiest blush dusted across Stud's cheekbones. "My catheter…"

Meryl burst out into laughter before Stud could finish his sentence. "It's not funny!"

"It's not?" Meryl was nearly in _tears._

"It's embarrassing," Stud whimpered.

If it was anyone else, Meryl would never believe this shy, innocent act. All the men Meryl knew would brag about it for days on end that they were the biggest the nurses had ever seen. Although Stud wasn't a man who took pride in superficial attributes, as seen by how little he acknowledged (if at all) his attractiveness. Meryl believed he wouldn't enjoy that sort of attention nor the assumption regarding someone as _gifted_ as him. Stud stuttered over the word whore, for Christ's sake. 

Meryl stopped teasing the poor man. "Alright, alright, I won't laugh."

"Thank you," Stud sighed. "They didn't say anything, but it was awkward."

"They didn't compliment you on your impressive hardware?"

That brought a smile to Stud's face as he no doubt recalled the first time Meryl inspected his hardware. What a nostalgic time. "No, but I wished they did. It would've killed my erection."

Meryl gasped. "WHY did you have an erection?"

So that might have been too loud.

Meryl couldn't shut up any faster after he said that, but he swore he could hear his voice echoing in the corridor outside. _Erection, erection, erection._ They both turned to look at the door, Meryl even peeked outside but there was no one around. He returned once he deemed it safe, but he was speaking in a hushed voice now.

 _"That's worse than flirting with them, Stud!"_ Meryl scolded.

"No no, it was an involuntary reaction!" Stud tried to explain. "It felt.. when it was inside my – "

Meryl stared at him. "I'm not going to put anything in there. Neither yours or mine. I'm establishing this rule now."

" _Nooo._ Oh god." Stud sounded like he was dying. "It's not that either."

"You're not explaining yourself very well here."

"I'm just pent up," he admitted. "More than usual because I can't touch myself."

"Truly?" It was difficult to imagine Stud being _more_ excitable. One way to find out.

Meryl began undressing. He slid his jacket down to his elbows, as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Stud's senses finally returned to him when Meryl got down to the fourth button. He _squeaked._ "What are you doing?!"

"Testing."

Sure enough the little guy in Stud's hospital gown set up camp immediately. Just a huge tent jutting out of his crotch. The thin blanket couldn't afford him any modesty even if he could reach for one. Satisfied – and very flattered – Meryl put his clothes back in order. Although he suspected a good breeze would arouse Stud at this point.

"Are you going to take responsibility for what you did?" Stud pouted at him.

"Of course," Meryl coughed into his fist. _"Impressive piece of hardware you have there, Stud._ "

Nothing happened.

Well, his cock twitched a little, but that was not the desired effect.

"Meryl!"

"Why are you hard already?" He couldn't laugh at how ridiculous this situation was, so he was left with being flabbergasted. "They are just nipples, Stud. You've seen nipples. You shouldn't be this excited."

"It's _your_ nipples," he protested.

Meryl frowned. "Are you saying you like them small and brown?"

"I meant It's because I love you."

Meryl squinted at him. "No, I think it's my nipples."

* * *

  
  


Meryl became a familiar sight at the San Dimas Mercy hospital. That's what he told to console himself when people stopped reacting to his presence. The receptionist remembered him and why he was there. No reporter came snooping yet, which made Meryl both relieved and frustrated. He spent most of his free time visiting Stud, and he had a lot of free time now that his fame continued to fame.

Strangely, that was not his primary concern at this time.

"Heal your bones already, fool." Meryl sat next to him, but he leaned over so he could rest his head on Stud's thigh. "I miss you."

Stud looked down at him and chuckled. "Once I get out of here, you should move in with me."

Meryl groaned and rolled his eyes. He said nothing.

Stud remained insistant. More so than usual. "Your apartment almost killed me. Move in with me."

"Fine."

And yet when he got the answer he was hoping for, Stud was astonished. "Wait – you will?"

"Your house is nice, and I'm not so disillusioned as to think I'm better off living in that hole." Meryl sighed. "But what about Willy?"

"Well.. you can't expect him to see you as family – "

"I don't."

" – But he tolerated your presence every time you came over. That's the best we'll ever get. He doesn't see us as anything, and if he disapproves then.. I thought.."

It was as if Stud looked through him for a second there, lost in old memories far, far away from this room. When he spoke again, he sounded wistful.

"I left a lot of things, a lot of people there. In New York. I don't resent Willy for it – neither of us wished for any of this. I knew it was my responsibility. I had to step up and fill Carl's shoes. But I've given up on so much that God – that life owned me this one. If I could have anything at all.."

"You would have me?" Meryl whispered.

Stud nodded. "Yes, you."

Meryl couldn't cry unless someone paid him to, but he choked up when he heard that. It took all of his strength to keep his tears from falling. He turned away and buried his face into Stud's thigh, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sorry." The word felt foreign in his mouth. Since when did the guilt become too unbearable, even for him? He used to not care. "I didn't say it back."

"What do you… oh." Stud remembered. "It's fine, baby. Don't cry."

"I'm not," Meryl cursed his voice as it shook. How dare it gave him away. "I don't deserve any of this."

"Because you couldn't say _I love you_ back?"

Meryl shrugged. If Stud could, why couldn't he? He had the nerve to feel disappointed when Stud didn't say it, but he never even said it _once._

"You don't have to say it back. Sorry, I didn't know you'd feel pressured to. If I knew I'd wait longer – "

"Jesus christ, stop. You're making it worse." Meryl gripped the edge of the need until his knuckles were white. "You are apologizing to _me_ for _my_ failure!"

"Meryl."

"I never said it – I don't – and other people do but they don't mean it but _you_ do and I – shit. This is a mistake."

"No, baby. Look at me."

Meryl did, reluctantly. He must have looked like a mess. Stud held his gaze with nothing but fondness. "Do you want to say it back?"

"I do." That much Meryl knew. "It's hard for me."

Stud nodded. "That's fine."

"What? No it's not."

"I'm telling you it's fine." He said it with a certainty that Meryl found himself unable to argue. He even sounded.. angry – but not at Meryl – at whatever made him that way. The world, perhaps. "I'd rather have you know than have you reciprocate."

"I– Okay." Meryl swallowed down the lump in his throat.

"God, I want to hug you." Then he did the unexpected _– cussed._ "I wish my boyfriend's shitty apartment didn't shatter my fucking spine."

Meryl snorted. "Your spine is fine! You should consider yourself lucky even."

"You're smiling. Good." Stud grinned, pleased that his cussing cheered Meryl up. "I always hate it when you cry."

"This is the first time I cry in front of you?"

"In your movies, I mean. You only cry when you are defeated, tortured, humiliated, you know, horrible scenes like that. You'd be writhing in pain because you got shot and I'd have to look away because it is too painful to watch."

Meryl whistled. "Damn, I _am_ a great actor!"

"You're just too pretty to cry, I think," he said with a quiet laugh.

Meryl considered it for – "No, I think it's my acting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meme of the chapter: " why your dick hard already " bitch cause i love you tf


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time skip chapter cause we spent way too long in the damn hospital. the price that i paid for the comedy of checkhov's hole...

Packing was challenging. Who knew Meryl owned this many items? His clothes alone filled two suitcases until almost overflowing, and that was not all. Meryl still hadn't thought of what to do with the rest of his belongings yet. He was under the impression that after he sold his real estate, he had very little left to his name. The antiques, the jewelry, the silverware, the piano he didn't even know how to play – Meryl sold them all to maintain the lifestyle he was used to, while being riddled with debts and unable to find roles. Turned out he managed to cling onto a lot after all. Perhaps that was the reason why the apartment felt suffocating at times.

Meryl wondered how he hadn't been burgled already. He didn't live in the safest neighborhood (or else the rent wouldn't be this cheap.) Everything inside his room must've been more valuable than the entire building combined. Stud collected all sorts of miscellaneous items for their sentimental values. Meryl kept these things for… what? Now that he was rummaging through them, he realized he did not care for any of it. He could just leave everything but his clothes behind, and it wouldn't make a difference. Although he _did_ feel a compulsion to bring them with him, despite knowing full well they meant nothing to him. Just like the mounted porcelains – the ones that almost gave him mercury poisoning – that Meryl didn't even remember when he purchased them and why.

He was surrounded by all these niceties; the candelabras lit up the room, the paintings and gilded mirror adorned the walls. Yet in the middle of it all there was a giant hole his ornate rug could no longer fully cover. Everything was falling apart, and it didn't matter how expensive (and horribly out of place) his furnishing was. Meryl felt like he had been living inside a shipwreck, fooling himself with the remains of his past glory.

Meryl sat in his metaphor and bemoaned his fate for a while, but then a fat rat wandered in through a hole in the wall so he had to leave.

He finally decided what to do with his hoard ( _let's call it for what it was_ ) when his conscience got the better of him. Stud got injured while fixing up his apartment. It was – The Lollipop Incident not included – a workplace accident. He had to be away for his adopted son, and even after he got out of the hospital he wouldn't be able to work for a while. The least Meryl could do was compensating him. Stud thought of it as just an accident, but if Meryl wasn't stubborn and just moved in with him (as he ended up doing anyway) this wouldn't have happened. Besides, he should be paying rent anyway. It wasn't like they were newlyweds living together.

Stud – as expected – put up a fight, but Meryl was a persuasive man. He talked Stud into accepting his money once before, he could do it again. Stud was well aware he needed the money as a working class, single stepfather. Meryl didn't need to convince him of that. He just had to make sure Stud wouldn't feel guilty for accepting help.

In the end, Stud took the money as an advance payment on his rent. It should suffice for the months he couldn't work, and even had some left for the rainy days. Meryl half expected Stud to ask where he got the money from, but he didn't. Either he realized Meryl was sensitive about his financial disaster or Meryl put up a better front than he thought he did. With the.. Duesenberg that he couldn't even park in his neighborhood, and his damn furs.

"How much for the leather couch? And before you say anything, remember, **_I_** sat on it." Meryl patted the back of the couch. "Do you understand? My bottom was on this couch for many years."

The store clerk squinted at him. "Who are you again?"

Meryl gripped the couch until his knuckles turned white and inhaled. _Do it for Stud, Meryl. Do it for Stud Stampler._

* * *

It was a hot, Sunday afternoon. Stud had been out of the hospital for months now, and he was finally walking without a crutch again. Meryl was laying on the bed, watching Stud changing his clothes, when two thoughts struck him at once.

One, this was the longest relationship Meryl ever had.

Two, he was laying on Stud's bed.

Meryl lived in his house, used his shower, ate off of his plates, kept his clothes in his closet, parked his car in his driveway – All that was to say he truly had nothing left to his name now. Except the aforementioned clothes and car, if Stud was to turn him away he would be left with nothing, and no one, because who would have him now? It didn't occur to Meryl before, because he never risked it all for someone else like this. It was terrifying how easy it was to trust Stud, he didn't pause to question it once and now he was too far gone. He could only hope that this wasn't a mistake.

But then Stud turned to look at him and his – his eyes brightened up _every time_ , like he was seeing Meryl for the first time every day. He saw those eyes and all doubts just faded away because how could this be a mistake when he looked at him like that?

Oh, and his muscles. God bless the USA. Meryl saw him chopping woods once and almost dropped on one knee right there to propose. His parents must've fed him and his brother one cow each for dinner every day to get this big.

"What are you smiling about?" Stud asked, naked.

"Your cock," Meryl teased. Stud blushed and immediately reached for his pants. " _Now_ you are getting shy?"

"My eyes are up here, you know."

"And your cock is down, _down_ , there. Do you ever get light-headed because – "

Stud crawled into the bed and then he was on him in an instant. He pinned Meryl by the chest with his forearm, looking more embarrassed than irritated, but he tried to put on a brave face nonetheless. 

"You do this on purpose," Stud said, voice low.

Meryl smirked. "Do what?"

"Provoking me."

Maybe. A little. Just every now and then when Meryl was bored, because teasing Stud was his new hobby. For the past few months, they hadn't done a lot in the bedroom. Stud was still recovering for the most parts, Willy was around, and Meryl didn't want to bring up sex again so soon after Stud expressed discomfort about it. Well, specifically about sex with him in a more forceful, dominant role. He had no problem with Meryl ordering him around and literally used him as a chair, but then he raised his voice at Meryl _once_ and he apologized for days.

So he wanted to see how far he could push him. Stud was a kind and patient man, but everyone had their limit. It didn't take him a lot to knock R.L Stine's teeth loose, did it? Although Meryl didn't want to be actually mean to him, so him provoking Stud consisted mostly of just teasing and sexual innuendos. 

"So what if I am?" Meryl licked his lips. "Are you going to stop me?"

Stud furrowed his brows. "You're going to have to do a lot better than that."

"..Hm. Very well, I accept your challenge."

"It's not really a challenge – "

"I touched myself in your bed while you were in the hospital." Stud's eyes widened as he heard that. Meryl grinned and continued on. "Oh yes, I did. Everything smelled like you and I couldn't help myself."

"Did you think about me?" Stud almost seemed hesitant to ask, like he didn't know how he would react to the answer.

Meryl arched his back, pressing his body against Stud's. His thigh rubbed along his already hardening cock in a slow, gentle mention. "I think about you all the time, stud."

Stud groaned, long and low in his throat, before he leaned down to kiss –

Willy _pounded_ his fist on the door, god damn it. Stud pulled away from him so fast, it was a wonder how he didn't fall over from the bed. Right, Meryl forgot what he was changing for. Sunday was fishing day.

"Be right there, kiddo!" Stud yelled out the door and hurriedly put on clothes. Before he left, he turned back to Meryl looking apologetic like a wounded puppy.

 _'Sorry_ ,' he mouthed the word.

Meryl dismissed him with a wave of his hand. It was fine – the mood was already ruined anyway. At least they discovered what could kill Stud's raging erection in one second flat; fishing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DILF (Damn I Loathe Fishing)
> 
> ngl i dont wanna think of the tl too much which is why i leave things vague so pls imagine whatever amount of time one needs to heal from the unspecified numbers of bones you think he broke and/or fractured
> 
> also sorry if its been heavy on sub/bottom meryl these past chapters. when i told my friend of their height difference she said "its gonna look like hes getting topped by an oompa loompa" and i havent recovered from that yet.


	9. Chapter 9

If anyone asked, Stud was his understudy. Meryl lived with him under the same roof so he could learn the craft from the master himself.

Well, no one asked. 

People cared less than Meryl thought, which hurt his ego as much as it was a relief. Meryl was used to the public attention, every part of his personal life could be put under the spotlight at all time, either to be scrutinized or to entertain. The entirety of his social pool used to be rich people with nothing to do but living vicariously through gossip. Everyone here was busy trying to make an honest living. It reminded Meryl quite a lot of his childhood home, albeit considerably more white and quieter.

The neighbors were nice enough. The excitement that his presence brought had already passed, but his interactions with them remained pleasant. Some of them were disinterested and preferred to keep to themselves, which Meryl had no quarrel with. As for Willy, the boy had been surprisingly civil. It could be that since he regarded Meryl as just another stranger, he didn't feel the need to torment him as he did Stud. Meryl made no attempt to get to know him or to parent him, so Willy left him alone. Besides, even if he knew somehow that Meryl was more than a tenant, he wouldn't treat Meryl any different because he didn't even respect Stud as his father. 

Alas, Meryl knew better. It was because of the incident that happened months ago. Stud was out working, Willy just came back from school, and Meryl was at home because he was essentially unemployed at that point. With nothing else better to do, Meryl decided to resume his practice. He hadn't been keeping up with it for a while, because the lollipop wasn't a good substitute for cock. So he looked around the kitchen to see if there was anything else he could use.

There he was, hunched over the kitchen counter, bobbing his head up and down on a Coca-Cola bottle, when Willy walked in. Meryl immediately turned to the sounds of footsteps, and they met eyes while a quarter or so of the Coke bottle was stuck inside his mouth. Willy broke his facade for the first time, as the look of sheer disgust and perhaps terror appeared on his face. After the staring contest took place for what felt like hours, Willy declared himself the loser and warily stepped away.

That was the true reason. Willy avoided him because he thought Meryl was a lunatic.

* * *

"Do you want to go on a picnic?"

Meryl pointed at himself. "Me?"

Stud gave him that warm smile of his that always made the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Of course, who else?"

Meryl shrugged. "Willy?"

"He's coming too," Stud said. "If that's alright with you."

Meryl frowned. He doubted Willy would want to spend time with him, let alone him  _ AND _ Stud. It felt too domestic. A family activity that a kid definitely wouldn't partake with his Bastard Uncle and The Lunatic That Lived in the House. 

His suspicion turned out to be correct. When Stud said Willy was coming with them, it meant 'Willy wanted to meet up with his friends and swim in the lake as far away from the adults as possible, oh and we could have a picnic while we waited for him.' It was for the best. As they arrived, Meryl saw the parents who seemed to be family friends talking amongst themselves. They set their picnics near each other or even together, but Stud pulled him away by the wrist to the complete opposite direction. They settled down further away from the lake and other parents, but in a spot where Stud could watch his kid from the distance without anything obscuring the views. Meryl wouldn't mind being seen and potentially meet his fans, but he appreciated the quiet nonetheless. He couldn't remember the last time he went on a picnic.

Stud packed everything himself and Meryl helped with nothing as usual. There were fried chicken, sandwiches, salad, sliced fruits, and more that Stud shoved into his huge basket. Willy did not do even so much as glance at it, and Meryl couldn't possibly eat them all. So he just picked at most of the food and fed them to Stud, who was lying down with his head on Meryl's lap the second they sat down.

"Your lap is so uncomfortable," Stud murmured with a mouthful of muffin.

_ "Excuse me?" _

"Too boney," he said, fidgeting around.

"You're welcome to lay on the ground instead." Meryl flicked his forehead.

Stud let out an exaggerated  _ Ouch!  _ then chuckled. He stopped fidgeting, probably given up that he could find a comfortable spot on Meryl's lap.

Meryl looked over to the lake. Willy said he was going to swim, but.. he barely moved away from the bank. Meryl saw him in the shallow end once, but he was walking more than swimming really.

"Does Willy know how to swim?" Meryl asked.

Stud was resting his eyes; he looked half-asleep already with both hands folded on his chest. "Every Stampler knows how to swim."

"... What a strange saying."

"Haha, yeah, but it's true. I mean – I didn't think I knew, but then when it came to it, i just knew, you know? It just came to me."

Meryl looked down at him with a blank at him with a blank stare. "I understood none of what you just said."

When Meryl looked up again, Willy was surrounded by his friends. No one teased him for not swimming, and they all vied for his attention. Which made Meryl think that when Stud said 'popular' it meant 'the lead bully' or something of that sort, but what would he know about children and parenting? 

"He's still not swimming," Meryl noted.

Stud hummed. "Maybe he needed a little push."

Meryl thought nothing of it, but then Stud's eyes snapped wide open the second those words slipped from his mouth. He looked upset. "Oh jesus."

"What's wrong?" Meryl asked, concerned.

"I just.. said that," Stud muttered. "I didn't even think about it. It just came out."

Stud pulled himself upright. "I'll be back. Please eat the sandwiches, you're so thin."

"Alright?" Meryl didn't think he was, but maybe it was a paternal instinct of his. 

Meryl watched him left and joined the kids down at the lake. He couldn't hear what Stud said from here, but Willy looked irritated. Probably embarrassed that his uncle was making him look bad in front of his friends. Though if you were to establish dominance in front of your friends, it would be talking back to your parents. So even though Stud didn't succeed in what he was trying to accomplish, at least the way he backed down just made Willy ranked higher in the playground hierarchy. Ah, kids. Was Meryl like that too when he was young? He couldn't recall.

Stud came back soaking wet, and sat down next to him with a sheepish laugh. "At least I tried."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm just fine," he said before changing the subject. "Did you eat the sandwiches?"

"..Everyone is thin compared to you Stud," Meryl said but complied anyway. This summer picnic was turning into stuffing him with food fast.

Or maybe not? After a while Willy decided to join them, which was a surprise that delighted Stud and made Meryl very uncomfortable. Willy didn't say much, and looked more bored than anything else, but at least he ate Stud's food and didn't cuss him out. Stud opened a Coke and handed it to him. Meryl sipped it while watching the pair. It was.. going well? This might've been the longest time he ever saw these two together, and without an argument too. Perhaps there was a hope for Stud to make an impact on his nephew after all.

But then Willy turned to look at him, "Are you going to eat the bottle too, you sick fuck?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not gonna humanize willy further i promise but i wanted to write stud being good & also willy being a brat for reasons that aint homophobic or racist lmao. you can do that when you grow up in the canon, not with me! i dont wanna write that shit!
> 
> also i buy glenn having a six pack (for some reasons) but personally i think meryl 'i hired people to open doors' as horribly out of shape lol


	10. Chapter 10

Nothing was going right. Meryl wasted his time again and again with auditions that resulted in less than nothing, and people who would never contact him back even if he was on his deathbed. 

He loathed showbiz. 

If he could be doing anything else, he would. Except he was too far gone now to give up – his pride wouldn't allow it. There was one thing he knew for certain, and it was that he would die a miserable man if he couldn't be under the limelight. Once they declared him a 'has been' for good, he would stop being a person in their eyes – like he already wasn't for many people anyway. He would just be a thing to speculate and gossip about. A tragic cautionary tale for people who wanted to feel better about themselves.

He was better than that, wasn't he?

Usually this would be when Meryl brought out the liquor, and then drowned his sorrow in the bathtub. Unfortunately he lived with Stud now, and drinking alcohol under his roof knowing how his alcoholic brother died.. would be unkind to say the least. The worst part was Stud wouldn't be angry at him, he would just be _sad_ , and that was even worse. So instead of getting drunk, he was just laying around feeling awful. Meryl missed when his actions had no consequences, and everyone claimed to care about him but he knew they didn't, so he didn't have to either. Those were the simpler days.

Meryl reminded himself to get up and make himself look decent at some point in the evening. Instead he just stared at a poster of himself (which was still on the wall over their bed) until Stud came home. From work. Because he had a _job._

Stud walked in and saw him lying upside down on the bed like an idiot. Yet he was still nice to him. "Aw baby, what's wrong?"

Meryl grimaced. Stud only brought out the _baby_ when he thought Meryl was upset. "I'm giving up."

"You wouldn't," Stud said because he knew Meryl now. This was truly the worst.

"I _might_ ," Meryl insisted. "Forget acting. I'm going to be your exotic housewife from now on."

" _Noo_ , you make me sound like a racist pervert!" Stud looked genuinely horrified, while Meryl just laughed for the first time that day. "At least take out the exotic part."

Meryl snorted. "What, you are fine with the housewife part?"

"You don't think I can provide for you?" Stud sat down next to him. "I may not make much.."

"End of sentence."

"No, I may not make much – " Stud laughed out loud before he could finish his sentence. "Stop it, I'm serious! I may not make much money, but if you are willing to make some adjustments.."

"Oh, absolutely not." Meryl made enough _adjustments_ for a lifetime growing up. "Beat it. You can't afford me, Mr. Stampler."

Stud leaned down to whisper, "For a pretty thing like you? No price is too high, sweetheart."

"Ugh." Meryl sat up instantly. "Not _sweetheart_. You can't say that. I'm not allowing it."

"What? Too much for you?" Before he could escape, Stud pulled him into a hug from behind. "Housewives still work, you know."

Meryl groaned. "Even the pretty ones?"

"Even the.. what? Of course!" Stud shook his head. "We're talking about cleaning, cooking, taking care of the children.."

"Willy called me a sick fuck."

"See? It's hard work that they do." Stud kissed him on the forehead before letting go. "I'm going to take a bath, then I'll get dinner ready."

Meryl crawled back under the blanket. "Eat without me."

"What? Meryl, you have to eat."

"I'm not hungry," he protested, voice muffled by the pillow he buried his face in.

Sadly he could still hear how disappointed Stud sounded. "Meryl.."

"Please don't force me to, it'll just make me sick."

Stud wasn't happy, but that _please_ had an effect on him. "Alright."

He heard the door closed behind him, followed by distant footsteps. Stud didn't tell him to, but Meryl felt like he should exile himself to the couch now as punishment.

* * *

  
  


Meryl _did_ try to sleep on the couch, but Stud just called him dramatic and carried him over his shoulder back to their bed. It was both impressive and humiliating at the same time. Now Meryl was lying next to him, listening to Stud's thunderous snores. He couldn't sleep – not even because of the snoring – his mind was riddled with thoughts, most of them unhelpful.

"Stud," he whispered and nudged his side with an elbow. "Stud, wake up."

"Huh? What.." Stud yawned.

"Reason why I'd make a great housewife – "

"You're still thinking about _that?_ Meryl, it's late – "

Meryl shifted closer until his face hovered over Stud's. "I'm great in bed."

Dead silence.

"I don't.. _no_ , that is – uh – that isn't their job. They're not obligated to.. I mean they aren't always paid so maybe even the chores wouldn't be their – what am I even talking about _?_ Oh no, I'm awake now."

Meryl would feel guilty, but he was too busy grinning at his victory and at what was _coming_ afterward. "Let me suck your cock."

Stud stared at him deadpanned.

Meryl cleared his throat and tried again. "Let me suck your cock.. please?"

"Okay."

"Wait, are you serious?" Meryl knew he was asking for it, but he was still surprised anyway.

"I am." Stud crossed his arms. "But after that you have to eat something."

"What? It's one in the morning!" Meryl pulled away from him and sat up on the bed. "This is ludicrous. You are making me pay to suck your cock."

"Is it you paying me when you get to eat _and_ do what you want?" Stud was.. completely serious. "You woke me up in the middle of the night. I should get something right?"

"You are getting your cock sucked!"

"We could just go back to sleep," Stud offered.

"I could eat without sucking your cock too."

"Good, that's what I want," he said with a smile. "Either ways we get what we want."

Meryl groaned. "Yes, but any other option would mean I _lose_."

"I.. huh?"

"I'll do it." It felt like he was playing into Stud's hands, but he wanted to do this for a long time. He practiced, damnit.

Needless to say, this could've been romantic. Stud didn't have to hold his cock hostage, but Meryl wasn't about to complain. Meryl fumbled around for a comfortable position, and ended up lying on his stomach between Stud's legs because he didn't want to be on his knees. Stud slept in his underwear, so there was only one piece of fabric between Meryl and his prize. Even while soft, the bulge looked obscene, leaving nothing to the imagination of how big he was.

Meryl tugged at his waistband, and pulled his underwear down to his thighs. "Tell me if I do it wrong."

"Just.. be careful with your teeth," he said, recalling the lollipop. "And please don't push yourself to take more than you can."

Meryl nodded. He could do that.

Stud moaned the second Meryl pressed his lips to the sensitive tip of his cock. He gave it a few, tentative licks, lapping at the slit that started leaking pre-cum. It was almost premature, but Meryl considered it a blessing that Stud was so excitable. Meryl kissed along the length, licking at the underside of his cock. It tasted.. fine. Meryl didn't know why he expected it to be unpleasant; it was just skin, and Stud kept himself clean. As Meryl licked back up to the tip again, Stud's cock began to harden. He gently pulled his foreskin back, and took the large head into his mouth. Stud groaned deep from his chest, his eyes squeezed tight at the sudden burst of pleasure. He savored the warmth of Meryl's mouth, his soft lips enveloping around his cock, and then arched from the bed into his mouth. His cock twitched against Meryl's tongue as he sucked. 

"That's it.." Stud moaned, his hands reaching down to gently stroke Meryl's hair. "You look so good with my cock in your mouth."

Meryl couldn't take much – just the tip and then some – but his jaws were already sore. The corner of his lips felt stretched out, and his gag reflex was put to the test as Stud's cock (not even halfway in) pushed near the back of his mouth. It was a struggle to both remind himself to breathe through his nose, _and_ suppress his gag reflex. Meryl compensated with his hands, stroking Stud's cock along with bobbing his head up and down. Stud couldn't take his eyes off of him. Meryl didn't even need to make a show out of it – he genuinely moaned around his shaft, aroused by the way Stud was looking at him. When he pulled away _panting_ , it wasn't an exaggeration. He felt like a mess, drooling all over Stud's thick cock, light-headed from the lack of air. His face burned with embarrassment because he knew how desperate he must look for his cock. He was already hard, and he didn't even touch himself once, apart from rubbing his thighs together while sucking his boyfriend's cock.

"Is this good?" Meryl asked.

"Yes, you're taking me so well," he said with a low moan. 

Stud let him go at his own pace. He had his hands on Meryl's head, but applied no force. His encouragement was entirely verbal, praises over how well he was doing and how pretty he looked. He would gently stroke Meryl's hair, caressing the back of his neck every now and then. Never more than that. Meryl appreciated it, but at the same time he wouldn't mind if Stud wanted to take the reins by pulling his hair or something rougher. Though if he wasn't going to, Meryl could just start taking him deeper, faster. It wasn't necessary, since Stud seemed to enjoy himself just fine with however much Meryl could take, and it wouldn't be difficult to make him come like this. Meryl.. wanted to, though. He wanted to try at least.

He pulled his lips away and told Stud just that. "I want to take you deeper."

"Are you sure?" Stud asked, groaning at the loss of sensation. Was he getting close already? "You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to."

"Okay." Stud gently pushed Meryl's hair out of his face. "Take it slow, and inhale first. You won't be able to breathe through your nose."

Meryl blinked. "I won't?"

Stud looked as if that was the most endearing question he had ever heard. His smile was soft, but there was something underlining the twinkle in his eyes. Meryl wondered if his lack of experience with men turned Stud on.

"No, you can't breathe and swallow at the same time." Stud chuckled a little.

"Oh." Meryl touched his neck. "You will be in my throat."

"It didn't occur to you until now?" He seemed amused. "Do you still want to try?"

Meryl nodded. He was nervous, but that didn't damper his determination. He never took any coke bottle _into_ his throat before, for obviously reasons, but at least he knew he wouldn't gag. Not as easily as it would've been before he constantly attempted to shove various things down there anyway. That felt like a good first step, the rest he would have to just figure out.

He started slow as he was told, and then inhaled when he began to take it deeper than he ever did. There was the urge to gag when it hit the back of his throat, but Meryl managed to keep it down. He could take about half of his cock until it became too uncomfortable. He couldn't breathe _at all_ , and it startled him. Although the chance of suffocation seemed unlikely (or was it?), he immediately came up for air.

"Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" Stud was concerned, and maybe even guilty that his size posed so much trouble.

"I'm fine," he said, even though he was coughing and spluttering for a good long while. "It's harder than I thought."

But before Stud could say anything, Meryl was already giving it another go. He knew he could do it. Just needed to take it slow, and take it a little deeper each time. Stud wasn't going to let him die on his damn cock, he could hold his breath in longer than that. Meryl breathed when he came up between long, slow thrusts. Stud's cock seemed less daunting the more he was able to take inside his throat. Still couldn't take it all – but there was something arousing about how much he struggled over it. The way Stud's cock twitched when he saw Meryl gagged. The smell, the taste, the slick, wet sounds of his cock getting sucked. Meryl had never been this hard in his entire life.

He gripped onto Stud's thighs, while Stud still couldn't bear to even tug at his hair. His voice was strained and all choked up when he spoke again, and not just moaned incoherently.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. 

Meryl did not answer the question. "Fuck my mouth."

**"What?!"**

"Do it. You know you want to," he was nearly pleading. "Pull my hair. _Something._ You need to stop treating me like I'm fragile."

"I shouldn't," he said, still hesitant.

"Please, Stud," Meryl whined. "Ruin me."

Apparently those were the magic words, because they pushed Stud over the edge into his face AGAIN. This time it should've been easier to just lean over to the side, but Meryl was too slow to react. The amount that got on his mustache was upsetting.

"That.. wasn't what I had in mind when I said ruin." Meryl wiped the semen from his eyelids, so he could open his eyes again.

Stud looked about to die. "I am so, _so_ sorry."

"I suppose I'll have to take a bath _and_ have dinner at 1AM." Meryl groaned. "For Christ's sake, Stud. You have to warn me next time."

"I will," he promised. "You still look really pretty when your face is covered semen."

"Thank yo.. wait, why am I thanking you?!"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats one milestone hit, hooray!
> 
> i can put a number to his dick by now but like his broken bones i think its funnier when i leave it vague. my fav thing right now is everyone saying he broke all the bones in his body
> 
> ironically stud would be the housewife lmao.


	11. Chapter 11

Meryl had to start helping around the house, for his own sanity if nothing else.

Unrelated to the housewife conversation.

He wanted to contribute more apart from finances. (Which was a new feeling he never experienced before, wanting to be  _ helpful. _ ) Stud was a lot better off now that he wasn't the lone provider of the family, but Meryl had no idea when his next feature was going to be. Should he invest his remaining saving into.. _ No, bad idea. Back to the original plan.  _ On top of his full-time job, Stud had to take care of his nephew and.. sometimes even Meryl. It was a lot for one man to handle.

In the meantime instead of sitting around pitying himself, he might as well make himself useful. Still, there were limits to what he could do. He established a general rule for himself that if he couldn't help out, he should at least not make it worse. That ruled out a lot of chores that could lead to grave repercussions, such as cooking. Helping him out with Willy would be huge, since he was the main source of frustration for Stud. One argument with Willy Stampler was another year taken off Stud's lifespan. Unfortunately, Meryl had a complicated relationship with Willy and it worsened everyday. Last night he scared Willy half to death because he was looming in the hallway, with all the light turned off, wearing a long robe. (It helped him think.)

" **AHHH!** You gaunt motherfucker! You need to stop doing that!"

Meryl looked him dead in the eyes, and in a stroke of genius said " _ Language _ , Willy."

So Willy was definitely planning his murder.

His lack of survival skills (in addition to the skills he acquired for acting, all of which had no purpose in everyday's life) did not go unnoticed. It boded well with Stud actually, since he had that tendency to help others even when they didn't ask for it. Meryl thought it was bad before, but it just got worse the longer they've been together. He fawned over Meryl as if it brought him sexual gratification. Lately Meryl had been trying to put a stop to it, lest he fell into the trap and ended up encouraging Stud's bad habit. But that also meant he had to break the habit of Acting Like He Was Still Rich and Relevant, which admittedly wasn't easy. It was amazing how he was highly aware of his fading glory to the point of an existential crisis, and yet still in denial of it at the same time! 

"What was your childhood like?" Stud asked him over dinner. It might've had something to do with his previous story about how he used to have a butler.

"I couldn't recall most of it, to be honest with you." Meryl picked at his pork chop. Willy already finished his plate and left probably because he thought Meryl was going to do unimaginable things to the utensils. "Which suits me just fine. I don't care for it."

Stud frowned. "No?"

"I was a nobody then, why would I care?" He shrugged. "And what I happen to recall isn't interesting."

"I care about you. That makes it interesting."

Meryl sighed. "You do, don't you. You.. sentimental oaf."

Stud just giggled like that was an affectionate nickname and not an insult. "Aw, you sound so angry about it."

He began stabbing at the pork chop. "Yes, because I know you are being genuine."

"And because I do care, that makes little Meryl somebody too, you know."

Meryl laughed without mirth. "Oh, I'm sure '''Little Meryl''' would be thrilled to hear that. He would bawl his eyes out all day let me tell you. That chump."

Stud looked uncomfortable. Meryl finally took a bite of his food. "Fuck me, this pork chop is good!"

Another problem remained that Stud was generally better than him when it came to these things. Domestic crap. When he thought about it, whatever he ended up helping with would always be worse than if Stud did it himself. Even if it was adequate. Meryl's own rule sabotaged him right from the very beginning. He couldn't think of anything, so he decided to just ask Stud.

"What can I do to help you around the house?" He heard it somewhere that direct communication was the best form of communication.

Whoever said that was a fool. Stud answered just as he expected, down to every single word. "There's no need! I can take care of everything myself."

Meryl resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "That doesn't mean you  _ have _ to. Let me help."

Stud wouldn't budge. "It'd make me happy if you continue to focus on your acting career."

Meryl opened his mouth to say how horrible this industry was, how he grew to resent showbiz, and how everyone in this city was a talentless fraud. Though he.. probably shouldn't do that to his self-proclaimed number one fan and (still) aspiring actor.

"But in the meantime, shouldn't there be  _ something _ I could help you with? It's not as if I'm attending auditions everyday. I need something to do here."

Stud changed the subject so quick Meryl wondered if he got a whiplash. "Sounds like you need a new hobby! You told me stories about.. uh.. what did you do for fun back then?"

A series of images flashed into his mind. Hosting parties, gambling, fucking, being invited to all sort of social events he did not care for, fucking again, acting when it still made him feel something, and then some more social obligations that he needed to fulfill.

"...Frivolous nonsense," he left it at that.

"Do that!" Stud insisted. "Please. I'd feel guilty if you have to work."

Meryl frowned.  _ Why would he feel guilty? _

He decided not to push him further for now. Stud looked just about done with the conversation, and Meryl didn't want to push his luck. He would get through to him later, in a more opportune time. 

New hobbies, huh.

Meryl wondered what aspect of his life wasn't tied to his acting career.

* * *

  
  


Stud needed to build a new bed for Willy. Allegedly, he was growing out of his old one. Meryl still saw him as the tiny brat he was the day they first met, but a Stampler Growth Spurt was coming soon or whatever it was that Stud said. This family sure was peculiar. Meryl paid for the materials. He didn't care for Willy, but he had money, so. Why not. It sadly meant that Stud wouldn't allow him to do anything but watch, though maybe that was for the best. Meryl knew nothing about carpentry still, and Stud always looked attractive when he worked. That was an established fact.

So Meryl sat back with a glass of lemonade, watching him saw woods and crap in the backyard. As he watched though, Meryl's focus shifted from Stud's sweaty, furrowed brows, to how handy he was.

"Is carpentry a Stampler thing?" Meryl asked.

"Oh no, it's just my thing," Stud explained with a nostalgic smile. "Dad wanted us to, you know,  _ be a man _ , but I didn't like fishing or hunting.. so I picked this up instead. I like building things with my hands, and it happened to be manly enough to make up for my pansy business. It worked out."

Knowing his father didn't approve of his dream, made it more impressive that Stud still maintained his optimism. "I assume Carl stuck to fishing then."

"He stuck to drinking mostly. So-called 'manly' skills require effort; drinking like a man was easy."

Meryl was a bit taken aback. Stud always held himself back when he talked about his family. Whatever flaws they had would be accompanied with a disclaimer that he loved them nonetheless. This was the first time he just gave it to Meryl straight. Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised, Stud was no pushover after all. He hoped that attitude extended toward Meryl too, that if Meryl did something wrong he would just call him out. Such as.. how unfair it was that Stud could tell him all these things, could afford to be vulnerable, while Meryl couldn't even begin.

"You said you don't resent Willy for New York." Meryl hesitated to ask, but his curiosity got the better of him. "But do you resent Carl?"

"If I do, it would make me a bad person, wouldn't it?"

"I don't think so," Meryl said. He would be resentful too if he had to abandon his dream to raise someone else's child, even if it was the right thing to do.

Stud turned from his workbench to look at him. "Are you an only child?"

"I am," Meryl nodded.

He chuckled. "That makes sense."

_ "Hey." _

"It's not a bad thing! It's just – I don't know how to describe it. Even if you have siblings, I still wouldn't know if you would understand. Have you seen the photo on our bedside table?"

Meryl recalled seeing it when Stud was in the hospital. "The one with you two on a dock?"

"Yeah! You remember his broken nose, and the scars?" Meryl nodded. Stud resumed his work, avoiding eye contact before he admitted. "I did that."

"What? No way." Okay, now he was even  _ more _ taken aback. 

"I don't even regret it." Stud's voice grew quiet. "I still think everything that went wrong in his life was my fault anyway."

Stud continued working in silence. Meryl watched from afar, wondering how heavy the world weighted on his Atlas. The summer sky stretched on indefinitely; it was a beautiful, sunny day. Meryl looked beneath it – looked at him. The muscles of his back like a bird taking flight. He wanted to say it. He was going to say it.

"Stud."

"Hm?" Stud only hummed in response, still focusing on measuring and cutting.

Meryl gripped on the damn lemonade like the glass was his lifeline. "I love you."

If Stud turned around any faster, he would've snapped his own neck. He stared at Meryl, eyes blown wide, and said nothing. It was the most uncomfortable silence they ever shared between each other yet. Then he just  _ bawled. _

"Shit, Stud!" Meryl almost dropped his lemonade. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Stud Stampler was the ugliest crier he had ever seen. Snot and big fat teardrops just covered his entire face. He sobbed and hiccuped with his whole body, it was painful to watch. Meryl couldn't rush to his side fast enough.

"You said it for me," Stud said between sobs. "You said it to make me feel better, even though it's a big step for you. Oh man, you got me good. Ohhh, you got me."

Meryl was extremely concerned. "All I do is say words that make you come and cry."

Nevermind, he was laughing now. Meryl completely broke this man.

Stud blew his nose into his sleeves before Meryl could hand him a handkerchief. His face was red all over, especially his nose that looked like it got stung by a bee.

"I love you, too."

_ Wow. _

That's.. what it felt like? Meryl never heard that before, not with the  _ too.  _ His heart reacted in a highly undignified manner to being reciprocated, and his stomach gleefully followed along. He felt lighter than air.

He was happy.


	12. Chapter 12

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Meryl looked up to Willy from where he was kneeling in the backyard. "What does it look like?"

He snarled, "I asked you first!"

"I asked you second." Meryl shrugged.

"Whatever." Willy turned back to the house and left, already lost interest. Kids.

Meryl was.. gardening.

_ Attempting to _ start gardening would be more accurate. Meryl had a beautiful, lush garden that was once his favorite part of his mansion. He never had any deranged sex in there, no one was allowed inside except the house staff, and it was.. nice. Until someone noticed his apparent fondness for it or whatever it was, and he started receiving Exotic Plants from Asian countries he had never been to as tokens of admiration. It was tainted then, and he just let the gardeners take care of it however they deemed appropriate. After he sold his mansion, Meryl moved to his apartment which didn't even have a functional ceiling, let alone a garden. 

Stampler Residence had a yard, but it was a far more utilitarian space. Stud used it to work on his bigger projects. Apart from a table and two small benches set to the side, Stud didn't spare a lot of space for leisure activities. Nothing was growing there either apart from the weed and wildflowers. The house used to be Carl's, and neither him or his wife possessed one green thumb between them. Stud said he considered it, because other houses in the neighborhood had kitchen gardens in their yards, and even kept animals. Though he decided it required too much time and energy that he couldn't afford, and gave Meryl the liberty to use some of the space however he liked.

One trip to the store (owned by a very chatty fella) later, Meryl was now attempting to clear the ground. He didn't have a reason for doing it; he just saw the lawn full of weeds and felt compelled to make something grow. It wasn't as if he had anything else to do anyway, so he might as well. Meryl bet it looked beautiful when Carl first moved in all those years ago.

Unfortunately the progress was tedious, and exhausting. Meryl forgot he had the diet of a nightingale when Stud wasn't feeding him, and the last heavy thing he carried was his own hubris. He barely got through the worst offenders but his limbs already felt sore, and he swore he was going to pass out. No wonder he hired gardeners. Worst of it all, the summer weather made working outside a living hell.

"Willy!" Meryl yelled into the house. "Willy! Come back.. lad!"

A few seconds later, Willy appeared. He somehow managed to look disinterested and furious at the same time. " _ Lad? _ "

"I'll pay you a dime to pull weeds for me," Meryl offered. 

Willy looked him up and down. "You're kidding."

"I have the money on me right now." Meryl patted his pockets. "That's two Hershey bars, lad. Others will pay you a couple of pennies for a week of labor!" he said in a British accent for some reasons.

For a kid like him, that must've been a huge sum. "Why the hell do you live here if you make that kinda money?"

Meryl squirmed in place, suddenly nervous. "I am.. eccentric."

"What?"

"Sick in the head." 

"Why the fuck are you British?"

Meryl sighed. "Pull the damn weeds, Willy."

He did. Money could truly fix everything.

* * *

Meryl brought Stud with him on his second trip to the gardening store. He couldn't carry the bags of mulch himself, and he didn't want to anyway after the pain his body was in while attempting to pull weeds. There was a slight concern of being recognized in public with Stud, but he soon found out that people just assumed Stud was his servant, due to the ways they dressed. It must have been humiliating, he thought, but Stud was unbothered.  _ Nothing to be ashamed of _ , he said with a small shrug. 

Another thing he came to notice was that Stud turned heads, and quite a lot of them too. It was infuriating for many reasons. One, look at  _ Meryl _ , damnit. He was the star here. Two, no one should be allowed to look at Stud like they had a chance with him, when Meryl couldn't stake his claim over the man in public. Three, sometimes people did.. a double take. Meryl couldn't stand it. They would look at Stud, impressed and sometimes even attracted to his handsome face and incredible physique. Then there would be a split second where they blinked, squinted, looked at Stud again closely and noticed his scars. The way their expression dropped and their prior fascination just  _ diminished _ .. Meryl came close to causing a scene many, many times. He could almost hear it in his head –  _ What a shame, he would've been handsome without the scars. _

Stud didn't notice at all. Meryl had to keep his frustration to himself, so he wouldn't cause Stud a new insecurity. Best he stayed ignorant of their gaze. 

When they got out of the store, Stud began giggling.

"..What's so amusing?" Meryl asked, a little worried.

Stud shook his head, failing to suppress his laughter. "The owner wanted to sleep with you  _ so bad _ ."

"Everyone does Stud," Meryl paused. "Wait, what?"

"He flirted with you the entire time. He gave you a special discount."

Meryl gave him a blank stare.

Stud grinned. "You just don't notice it at all when it comes from men, do you?"

Apparently not. His male admirers were rare (but perhaps not as rare as he thought?), and they were always subtle. There were times he saw through the 'Can I get your autograph for my sister?' and the 'My wife is a fan of you' lies, but generally he refrained from making assumptions. He always had the paranoia that someone was just out to get him, since many already saw him as some sort of deviant because of his roles. One wrong assumption could ruin him – well, his career at least. He knew there was a place for men like him. A language, a gesture, a look, but he refrained from all that too. It was safest to not know. Meryl didn't trust his subconscious.

"If you weren't as obvious as you were, I wouldn't have known," Meryl said as they got to the car.

Stud whistled. "Lucky me."

"You said you expected me to punch you."

"That's always a risk, but uh.. you know. If you did, it wouldn't have been.."

Meryl rolled his eyes. "I get it. You are stronger than me. Why did you think I brought you here?"

"Because you don't like to carry things?"

Okay, that too.

Stud drove them home, and helped carry everything into the shed. Meryl had been trying to make Stud a part of it, in addition to making this sound like a personal project for his own benefit. So Stud wouldn't feel guilty that Meryl was working for him, putting money toward fixing his yard, even though.. that was pretty much what he was doing. It worked so far; he was happy to see Meryl with a new hobby. Meryl was happy, too.

"Thank you for helping," Meryl said. "I will.."

He didn't get to finish his sentence. Stud turned to look at him, the shed was so small that he was able to corner Meryl in one step. Meryl's heartbeats quickened when his back hit the wall, but on the surface he just tried to look calm.

Stud gently traced a thumb along his lower lip. "I wanted to kiss you in front of him."

Meryl blushed as the realization struck him. He didn't notice the owner was flirting with him, because he was glaring at other people who looked at Stud. Stud didn't notice the way other people looked at him, because Meryl was being flirted with. They were one of those couples – the ones who couldn't stop obsessing over each other. Was that what love did to people? Making them incredibly obnoxious? He felt like there was champagne bubbling inside his chest at all times, and even that metaphor was juvenile. Meryl couldn't believe he got to feel like this.

"You can kiss me now to make up for it," he offered.

An offer Stud couldn't refuse.

Meryl thought Stud would be rough, but he was.. so sweet. Not a single bite, not even a hint of teeth, which was rare for Stud the overgrown puppy. It wasn't him being possessive and working out his jealousy. It was him savoring what others could only dream of – Meryl. He used to be one of those people too, and now he could hold Meryl not just in his fantasies. He could touch him, kiss him, rut against his body. The way he licked into Meryl's mouth coaxed all sorts of noises out of him that only Stud got to hear. 

When they pulled away from each other, it was only so Stud could drop to his knees. His hands reached to Meryl's belt and hurriedly unbuckled it.

"May I?" Stud asked, looking up to him with big, blue eyes.

_ Well.. _ "Beg for it."

Stud was obedient as ever. There was not a single second of hesitation. "May I please suck your cock, sir?"

Meryl smirked and nodded. The _sir_ did not escape his notice. Stud had to refer to him as such when they were in public. Meryl thought it was humiliating for him to put up a front, but..

"You missed calling me sir, don't you?" Meryl watched him unbuttoning his pants with trembling hands.

"I do, sir."

" _ Sir _ this  _ Mr. Streep  _ that – I thought you were being polite, but you just couldn't wait to get on your knees for me." Stud whimpered and nodded. His hands reached for Meryl's cock after he pulled his underwear down. "Ah-ah, hands behind your back, boy."

Stud crossed his arms behind his back, and leaned forward instead to wrap his lips around Meryl's cock. He already started moving without command, his head bobbing up and down his length. So eager to please.

Meryl groaned, "Good boy."

Stud was obviously better at it than he was, but how good he was didn't compare to how much he wanted it. Meryl couldn't take his eyes away from him. Stud fought to keep his eyes from fluttering close, and he moaned around Meryl's cock even more than he did. Meryl tried to keep his voice low – the shed wasn't the most secure – but Stud couldn't be quiet even with his mouth full. He was stronger than Meryl in every aspect, so seeing him on his knees like this was truly something else. 

Meryl wondered how he would feel about being tied up. Stud looked so good in this pose, bending down with his arms behind his back. Meryl could see the curve of his hips, his broad shoulders, and how the muscles in his arms strained to stay in place as he moved. Stud did a good job of holding the pose, but ropes would help him do an even better job. It would look damn good too. Though with how desperate Stud was taking him down his throat, Meryl doubted he would say no to anything he had in mind.

Stud kept at it like a good worker he was, shoulders and back straight, firmly kneeling on the ground, until Meryl was brought close to orgasm. Meryl thought he'd be tired by now, but he was still going strong.

"Where do you want it?" Meryl asked.

Stud didn't budge, just continued sucking his cock, hollowing his cheeks. He looked up to Meryl, pleading with his eyes.  _ Oh. _

"Fuck, alright." It turned him on so much that Meryl dropped the act. He never thought he could have a preference when it came to this, but now it was the only thing on his mind. "Take it then. Take it – "

Meryl came with a groan, his hands gripped onto Stud's hair. Stud swallowed it all down with ease, watching Meryl's expression shift into pure bliss. His knees felt like they were going to give out under him, and he was the one standing. Stud held him in his mouth until he was soft, and licked him clean afterward. His tongue lapped at the last drop dripping from his slit. Meryl put himself together while Stud stood up with a huge grin on his face.

"I think his fantasy went something a little like that too," he said.

Meryl snorted. "Don't talk about him after you just sucked my cock! You made it sounded like we were acting out his fantasy."

"It's  _ my _ fantasy too," Stud corrected.

"I thought you wanted to kiss me in front of him."

"I did, but I also wanted to bend you over the counter and fuck you." Then he added in a much more different tone, "You are so pretty. I want to do everything with you."

"You will get to, eventually." Meryl couldn't stop himself from blushing. "But not in public."

"Heh, I know, but a man can dream right?"

Meryl was suddenly curious how many fantasies Stud had about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a list of random thoughts
> 
> \- meryl is literally stud's problematic fav. in a modern au he would run a stan twitter account.
> 
> \- stud the freak would get off to meryl doing a villain monologue poorly.
> 
> \- stud had many 'aw bean this is mad racist' moments re: the roles meryl was typecasted in but still found meryl being evil and bad sexy anyway. its a dilemma. 
> 
> \- meryl definitely had more male admirers than he thought he did. stud would know. thing is they werent always very nice.
> 
> \- idk if ill ever get to work this into the story but i like to think that meryl has a beauty mark om his face
> 
> \- my fandoms experience is just reusing Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng whenever i get into a new ship. predictable.
> 
> \- Asian Pear Cast. a podcast about how good asian pears are. each episode celebrity guest eats asian pears with me.


	13. Chapter 13

What was the fastest growing tree? A tree would be a beautiful addition to the (tentatively named) Streep-Stampler garden, but Meryl wasn't a patient man. Not when it came to self-gratification. Oak trees took decades to grow; what was the point of planting something you will never harvest? He wouldn't be growing Oaks anyway – he had enough of that. If Meryl never saw another Oak tree, it would be too soon.

Regardless, the question still remained – What was the point? What if he would never get to see it? Planting something then felt as if Meryl was placing a bet. He was operating under the assumption that he would be around to see it still, however many years into the future. Not only he would need to be alive to see it, but he would need to be _ here _ , with Stud. Meryl was more concerned over the latter rather than the first. It must've been a testament to his self-obsession that after he went through a series of horrific, otherworldly events, Meryl was fixating on his relationship and not his mortality. 

He barely thought of it anymore, really, about what happened. In a blink of an eye, he was back to chasing the limelight, self-pity, and well –  _ life.  _ Stud had the scars to show for it, Hilde wrote a story of their adventure, and Robert got his closure. Meryl learned nothing, probably. He already knew directors were bastards. It just occurred to him how little he thought of these things.

Planting a tree then felt like settling down.

Meryl had asked that question before, hadn't he? It was a hot, summer afternoon, however many years ago. Though at the time it was just an idle curiosity, and him trying to be clever.

_ "What?" _ Father shook his head.  _ "You went to school, and now you think you're a philosopher. I can plant whatever tree I damn please." _

Meryl didn't even stick around to see the damn thing grow; he already moved to San Dimas. What did he think was going to happen? Who was that for? Stupid.

* * *

  
  


" _ I  _ love squash!"

Meryl snorted. "No, you don't. What?"

"I do!" Stud insisted, in an enthusiastic tone that – actually, would be difficult to fake unless you just couldn't get enough of squash. "Summer squash, winter squash, they're all great. You can cook them in a lot of ways, and they come in so many flavors and textures."

"..I stand corrected then." Meryl motioned back to the plot. "When they grow, they're all yours."

Once their backyard was cleared of weed, and the soil was properly prepared, Meryl set a vegetable plot. He's been told by the gardening store's owner – who definitely wanted to sleep with him now that Meryl started paying attention – to plant summer squash. It was in season, required minimal effort, highly productive, and easy to grow. As an additional bonus, Stud apparently liked it. No, he  _ loved _ it, according to him. The list went on (not in any particular order) like this: family, movie, Meryl, musical, and squash. 

What a coincidence. Was it even possible for Meryl to do something Stud wouldn't approve of? It seemed unlikely. Meryl truly shouldn't be encouraged like this. It was unwise at best, undeserving at worst. He could already feel it going to his head.

"I'm excited," Stud said, clasping his hands together. "If you know more than one way to cook a squash, you couldn't get sick of it even if you tried."

"Do  _ you _ know more than one way to cook it?" Not that Meryl was skeptical, but since he brought it up..

Stud frowned deep in thought. "Right now I can think of.. three."

Meryl was definitely going to get sick of squash.

That wouldn't happen until at least seven weeks or so in the future though. As it was still growing, Meryl was glad that it gave him something to do. His routine (or lack thereof) was beginning to look depressing, until the garden gave more structure to his everyday life. He needed to occupy himself with something else other than his acting career so.. Squash. Sure.

Meryl was wearing Stud's old work clothes. He couldn't risk ruining his nice shirts, so Stud let him borrow the ones that didn't fit him anymore. Everything fitted pooly, since Stud's smallest shirt was still too big for Meryl. He had to roll the sleeves up, and the overalls kept slipping from his shoulders. He looked terrible. Stud on the other hand was dressed in his Sunday best, ready to take Willy fishing.

Stud must've taken the look on his face the wrong way, mistaken that Mery was irritated at him and not the dirt and grime on his ill-fitting clothes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't take you with us," he said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"It's fine, Stud. I don't want to go."  _ Too blunt.  _ Stud flinched. "I'm sure it's very nice, but I would only get in the way."

"You wouldn't, but.. yeah."

It was an awkward position to be in. Stud clearly wanted him to be more involved with raising Willy, and by the virtue of being in a relationship with Stud, one would think that Meryl had the obligation to. The only reason he didn't feel that way was because Willy visibly didn't want another parent. If anything, he wanted  _ less _ . Take the fishing trip for example, even though Stud didn't want him to feel excluded, he knew it was a sacred thing for Willy that was best kept between just the two of them. Which was fine by Meryl, who had no interest both in fishing and children. Willy, too, couldn't care any less for Meryl. It just seemed like Stud was the only one who wanted him to be a part of the family. Then again  _ want _ and  _ need _ were different things, and Meryl was never a good judge of that. 

"Can I get you something on the way back?" Stud changed the subject.

"No, it's alright. I don't need anything."

Stud looked left and right quickly before kissing him on the cheek. "I'll be back."

Meryl nodded. "See you soon."

"Aw, no goodbye kiss for me?" Stud whined.

"If you want a kiss, you have to bend down."

Stud tilted his head and acted innocent with his big puppy eyes. The bastard.

Meryl stood on his tip toes and kissed him.

* * *

  
  


Stud and Willy returned with a big, beautiful trout. Meryl wasn't one to be easily won over by a fish ( _ no one should be _ ), but Willy was very proud of his catch, which made Stud happy, and in turn Meryl was happy as well to see him smile. Infuriating, truly, it was like a.. parasitic loop of some sort. Reminded him of how most of an audience would just join a standing ovation regardless of their opinions if someone started it. Meryl did not care for fishing, but now he was nodding along that it was such a shame to eat the trout, and how pretty the cherry-red stripe on its body was. Meryl was not immune to fish or Stud's (potentially) movie star smile.

Stud grilled the fish whole and they ate it outside in the yard, which no longer looked like a wasteland. Thanks to Meryl and Meryl only. Well, Stud helped out a little. Willy deserved no credit; he already got paid. For the most part though, it was Meryl. When was the last time he put an effort into something? Certainly not his career – not since he became disillusioned of it and his place in the world.

"It's more tender, isn't it? There is a.. sweeter flavor. Almost like a nut," Stud mused.

"Oh certainly," Meryl replied, not tasting any differences whatsoever.

Stud probably didn't like squash  _ that  _ much until Meryl started growing it. Love blinded people.

"What are you thinking about?" Stud asked.

"Me?" Meryl looked at him nodding. "Well, I.."

"Can you two eat QUIETLY," Willy interrupted,  _ hissing _ at him _. _

Stud took no offense as usual. He put on his best smile and turned to Willy. "What about you, champ? How do you like your fish?"

Meryl knew he probably shouldn't interject, but he didn't need to be the bigger person there because he wasn't the parent. "Yes, Willy, what do YOU think? Does it have a sweeter flavor to it?"

"Fuck off."

"Willy, that's not nice! That's no way to talk to someone." Stud turned to look at him. "Please don't antagonize him."

Meryl sneered at the child, unbothered by Stud's attempt to mediate. "Is it more tender?"

Willy looked like he was seconds away from combusting. "Fuck right off!"

"Would you describe that it's almost like a nut?"

Stud nearly choked on his water, but he managed to keep his voice firm. "I'm serious, please don't."

Okay, fine. He knew when he needed to back down. Stud even used his parent voice on him.

Willy, of course, had to get the last word in like the terrible, terrible child he was. "Yeah, that's right. Listen to your.."

There was a split second when all the attention in the world just hung onto what Willy was going to say next. Meryl placed a few bets in his mind. Stud paled next to him, his heart probably stopped beating in fear.

"..landlord."

Stud gulped down an entire glass of water in one swift motion. Meryl lost a bet.

* * *

  
  


After dinner, Meryl helped Stud with the dishes. He learned that if he had offered to help, Stud would've just turned him down and insisted to take care of everything himself. Instead, he just started picking up the dishes and waited for Stud to join him in the kitchen. If it was something he  _ wanted  _ to do, Stud would let him, but not if there was even a hint that Meryl felt obligated to. It was quite a peculiar.. quirk? that Meryl didn't know how to address yet, so he's been navigating around it. Stud washed a dish, Meryl wiped it dry.

"I'm sorry he talked to you like that again," Stud apologized.

"It's fine. I've heard worse." Willy himself even said worse things _.  _ "I thought he'd enjoy the fish more."

"He just likes when we cut if afterward," Stud said with a nervous laugh. "It's.. a problem."

"Not a very empathic child, is he."

"No, not towards animals at least. Uh, sometimes people too." Stud sighed. "I feel like a hypocrite lecturing him about these things when I still take him fishing. You know how when you are young your parents don't treat animals like they matter?"

Meryl frowned. "No?"

"Did you have a pet growing up?"

No. "I did."

"Well – it could just be me overthinking this, but sometimes they are treated like tools. You know, tools to entertain their kids, to be their friend, to teach where their food came from.. or to teach them responsibility. Even if they kill if, that's still a useful tool because it teaches kids about death."

Meryl wasn't sure how to react. He just kept wiping the same dish over and over. "That's.. grim, Stud."

"Yeah. Sorry." His shoulders slumped down a little.

"Is that how you learned about death?" Meryl immediately shoved his foot into his mouth.

" _ Now  _ who's grim?" Stud chuckled. "What was your childhood pet?"

"A cat."

"I thought you didn't like cats!" 

Meryl flinched. "I do like cats."

They were just making conversations, but there was something uncomfortable about it. Stud didn't even look up from the dishes, it was supposed to be that casual. The washed dishes were piling up – Meryl needed to catch up to him. Was this the same dish he was wiping still?

"Didn't you say something about not enjoying pet sitting for Robert?"

_ Fuck. _ "Yes, but I wouldn't enjoy pet sitting for any animal, Stud."

"That's fair." Just like that, the subject was dropped. "I should talk to Hildy about Veganism.."

Meryl moved on to the next dish, finally.


	14. Chapter 14

Meryl's beautiful morning was interrupted by a loud pounding on the door. He jolted awake, sleep-addled mind conjured something intelligible about how HE should be getting pounded not the door, and then loan sharks. Mostly just loan sharks. It wasn't a loan shark. That was  _ back then _ , that was.. pre-Stud. Damn, he was sleepy. They were still pounding on the door, too insistent to be a regular solicitor at this point. Unless they were a terrible salesman or a desperate evangelist.

He almost fell back to sleep, until he heard a familiar voice booming from outside.  _ "Streep! I know you are in there!" _

Great.

Stud was tossing and turning around, not yet fully awake; Meryl took the chance to wake up early for once and answer the door. He grabbed a bathrobe to cover himself for decency's sake, but didn't bother to tie it around his waist. If it was who he was thinking of, then effort wasn't necessary. Meryl opened the door and sure enough, there he was, standing at three apples tall in a cream-colored, single breasted suit. Hat in hand and an underpaid assistant standing by his side, carrying what appeared to be a large crate while he was literally twirling his bushy mustache. Mustache twirling? In front of  _ him _ ? At this  _ hour?  _ Disrespectful. Utterly and completely disrespectful.

"Wu," Meryl said, not bothering to mask the disdain in his voice. He couldn't even if he tried. "What do you want now, you pathetic little turd of a man?"

"Good morning, Streep." Wu took a quick glance around the property, and then back at him. "Lovely place you got here. Certainly a step up from the rathole you called home. Though I have to say – looks a lot like retirement!"

Meryl turned to the assistant. "Anna.. was it? Anna, why are you still working for this hack?"

Anna looked him dead in the eyes. "Do not address me ever again."

"Is everything alright?" Stud asked behind him, nearly giving Meryl a heart attack.  _ When did he get here?  _ For someone this big, he shouldn't be this light-footed.

Wu craned his neck trying to look behind him, standing on his very tip toes without any subtlety whatsoever. "Oh, I didn't know Streep here lives with a companion. Who might you be? You seem.. familiar."

"No, he doesn't." If you have seen Stud before, you would remember. He had huge scars on his face, and he towered above everyone in a crowd. "He's just my landlord. No introduction needed. I insist you don't even look at each other."

"Don't be absurd, Streep. Mama didn't raise an ill-mannered boy."

As if hearing a fifty years old man referred to himself as a boy wasn't upsetting enough, Wu tried to cram himself through the door to shake Stud's hand. Meryl's foot twitched, ready to kick the bastard, but he was pushed flat against the doorframe as Stud leaned forward and they exchanged pleasantries.

"I'm Stuart –  _ Stud _ Stampler! It's very nice to meet you. You can call me Stud," he introduced himself. 

"I'm sure everyone does,  _ stud _ ." Wu put his hat back on and clasped his grimy, little fly boy hands over Stud's. "I'm Johnny Wu, and here is my wonderful assistant Elizabeth. You will have to forgive her rudeness – her hands are quite full as you can see."

"Oh! Please let me help you." 

Just like that Stud was out the damn door, nearly knocking Meryl over with his eagerness to be helpful. Anna –  _ fuck _ – Elizabeth gave him the crate, her stoic facade seemed to crack a little at the corner of her mouth. Everyone  _ loved _ Stud the Landlord. Meryl needed a drink.

"You  _ really  _ look familiar. Are you sure we've never met before?" Wu looked Stud over, eyes squinted.

"Are you familiar with broadway, sir?" Stud asked.

Wu gasped and put one hand over his chest. "I  _ LOVE _ musicals."

"What? No, you don't – "

"Have you been in a play Stud?" Wu asked, ignoring Meryl as per usual.

"Well.. no, but I've been to a lot of auditions!" Stud cracked up at his own joke. Wu laughed along like the vulture he was, delighted to see someone with optimism. The fuel which he drained from his talents to sustain his soft, spineless form.

"They saw me so often that they started recognizing me. 'you AGAIN?'" Stud, lovable landlord and now comedian, continued on. It would be a sad, self-deprecating joke if he wasn't so cheerful about it. He wasn't fishing for sympathy, he genuinely didn't see his failed attempts as something shameful.

Even Wu seemed taken aback, but he recovered fast. "Well – one day huh, Stud? Dream on, keep your chin high, everything is possible here in America. That's what my mama used to say."

Meryl snorted. "No, she didn't – "

"Streep, CAN I HELP YOU?" Wu finally snapped; Meryl's interjection got on his last nerve.

"Yes, what are you doing  _ here _ ?" Meryl couldn't believe it took them this long to get to the point. It was too early for.. any of this.

Stud looked between them, and turned to ask Elizabeth. "Are you two friends of Mr. Streep?"

"We're his representative," Elizabeth, suddenly okay with being addressed when it wasn't Meryl, answered.

" _ Former _ representative," Meryl corrected.

"Yes, former representative. As you can see Streep here is just a shell of a man he once was, and an agent can only do so much with an overrated, aging husk!"

He could almost see the steam coming out of Wu's ears. Elizabeth just looked bored. Meryl opened his mouth to retort, but decided against it at the last second. He'd rather just get this over with.

"And since we no longer represent you, we shouldn't be keeping anything of yours in our office! It takes so much goddamn space, and it's not like you are bringing in any money. You are _losing_ us money, in fact. So here is the first of many to come. Elizabeth will be dropping the rest off by herself, but I thought I should come see you once for old time's sake. Clearly, I shouldn't have bothered."

_ What? There were MORE?  _ Meryl thought he already sold and threw away most of his… nevermind. He listened through Wu's unending rant, watching him seething rage so strong his entire body shook like a jello.

"I've never listened to anything you said," Meryl deadpanned.

"GOOD DAY, STREEP."

"Wait! Mr. Wu, sir, please. May I just say something?" Stud pleaded before Wu could stomp away.

Wu sighed. "Yes, Stud?"

"I have a deep respect for what Mr. Streep does. He's a source of great admiration for many people. You worked with him, so I'm sure you don't need me to tell you why." 

Wu looked uncomfortable all the sudden. He was like Meryl and many others who had been in the business for too long – unaccustomed to sincerity. He kept listening, though.

"It's an honor to meet someone who helped shape his career. I hope in the future when we see Mr. Streep on the silver screen again, I'll know that you are behind it." Stud gave him his best smile. It almost blinded Wu judging by the way he flinched.

"I.. yes, of course." Wu coughed into his fist, clearing his throat. He looked up to Meryl as he left, noticeably calmer than earlier, and with an apologetic look on his face. "You know how to contact me."

"I know." Unfortunately.

"You look better, by the way."

Meryl frowned. Now that was unexpected. "I always look my best, Wu."

"I meant you look.." Wu's shoulders slumped down. "Healthier."

Well, that was troubling.

Meryl waited until they drove away to talk to Stud. "You didn't need to do that."

Stud feigned innocent. "Do what?"

"Mending the bridges I'm attempting to burn."

"I didn't mean to meddle – I just had the feeling that you will regret it later."  _ He was right, of course. Ugh.  _ "Where should I put this crate?"

Meryl shrugged. "Just somewhere."

"Do you.. know what is in it?"

"No, I don't remember keeping anything in their office." Meryl crossed his arms, trying to remember and failing. "Do you want to open it with me?"

Stud perked up, but he was still reluctant. "I don't want to pry."

"It's fine. I'm asking you to open it with me." Meryl gestured inside. "We can look through it over breakfast."

  
  


* * *

School was out for summer break. Stud let Willy sleep in, which gave them some peace and quiet together in the early morning. They sat down in the kitchen; Meryl sipped his coffee watching Stud opening the crate. It wasn't sealed well, and didn't take Stud long to crack open with a crowbar. The sight of Stud utilizing a tool with his sleeves rolled up was.. interesting. When Stud looked up, Meryl went back to his coffee and toast like he wasn't looking at all.

"I got it," Stud said and put the crowbar down, right next to his plate of eggs. "There are.. letters in here."

"Letters?"

Stud picked one up to read the envelope. "It's for you! Wow, it's scented like a rose."

Meryl groaned. "Oh, I know what this is. They're fan letters." 

"Huh?" Stud immediately dropped it. "Oh no! I didn't see anything I swear! I didn't open it!"

"Relax, Stud." Meryl poured them both more coffee. "You can read it if you want."

"I shouldn't."

Meryl raised an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you curious?"

Stud looked so guilty, and all he did was sniffing the envelope. "These are between you and your fans – they want you to read it." 

"If that's what you are worried about, they've already been read by someone else. Probably Elizabeth or other assistants. They had to check that these letters are safe, and then they had to organize them. Besides, I don't usually read them anyway."

"You don't?"

Meryl shrugged. "I let my assistant read and answer them on my behalf. If a particular one stands out, my assistant might read it to me."

"That's not very nice," Stud said in a somewhat disappointed tone.

"It's not that I was intentionally neglecting them, Stud. It was just more practical. I received too many letters to personally go through them."

"What If I had sent you a letter? You would've just ignored me?" Stud pouted.

"Of course not. You would've recieved a thank you note and possibly a signed headshot."

"But that's so –  _ methodical _ . These letters are very personal, you know. This nice lady even scented it!"

Meryl rolled his eyes. "I bet you half of them are scented."

Stud reached into the crate and frowned when Meryl was proven to be right. "You took the magic out of it. I always thought these were romantic."

"Ah, yes. That has been my plan all along; destroy your hopes and dreams by revealing the harsh reality of showbiz," Meryl said in an exaggerated menacing voice. 

Stud chuckled. "Good luck with that. I've seen god."

" _ A _ god," Meryl corrected. 

Stud ignored him and ate his omelette.

The crate was still there though, taking up space on the dining table. As they had breakfast and the subject moved on, Stud kept glancing at it every few seconds. He was obviously curious, but even with Meryl's permission, he still felt guilty about opening the letter himself.

"Are you going to read them this time?"

He  _ did _ have more free time now. "Maybe. How many are there?"

"Uh." Stud tried to count the letters, but it'd take a long time to go through all of them. "At least thirty."

"I would probably throw them away then," he lied.

"What? No, you can't do that!" Ah, it worked. "We have space, please keep them."

Meryl decided to humor him. "Alright, why?"

"You need me to tell you why you should keep the letters your fans sent you?" Stud shook his head. "Sometimes, your attitude is really frustrating."

_ "Excuse me?" _

"I can't tell you how to feel about your career – and I won't – but I genuinely like your films, you know. It's not just because I find you attractive. I like you as an actor too."

His first retort was going to be  _ 'Was there any doubt?' _ because, obviously, Meryl was a great actor and it should be assumed that was partially the reason Stud was taken with him. Although there  _ was  _ doubt, wasn't there? Deep down somewhere that he buried because he refused to acknowledge the thought, else it'd take root. Treacherous vines would climb up the cracked wall of his mind, threatening to tear it down. Meryl's foundation was already compromised; he couldn't afford the risk.

"It's just frustrating sometimes to hear you talk so poorly of the work you do," Stud admitted. 

Meryl was about to take a sip of his coffee, but it had already gone cold at one point. He didn't even notice it. "You said you won't tell me how to feel about my career, but it sure sounds like what you're doing right now."

The cup felt cold in his hand.

"I don't – that wasn't my attention. I'm sorry it came across that way."

Meryl put it down, afraid he could drop it. "I didn't know the way I talk about  _ my _ lifework bothered you so much."

Stud hesitated for a second. "It's not just your work."

He regretted it immediately as the words left his mouth. His expression looked pained, and he flinched under Meryl's stare.

"Go ahead, make your point," he said.

Stud inhaled deeply and sighed, deciding to go through with it. "It's just – It's not just you, you know. Other people worked on it too. They put their heart and soul into it, and they don't even get paid even half of what you made."

"I suppose that made me the ingrate then," Meryl said, unsure if this was still him being sarcastic.

"It's not – " Earlier he looked guilty for bringing this up, but now he just looked irritated. "Even now you are making it about yourself."

He  _ did _ understand what Stud was trying to say. He had to listen to Meryl disrespecting the art he was passionate about, and then went on and on about how hard being rich and famous was. While he had to abandon his goal, being stuck with raising his nephew. It was true that while Meryl was self-pity himself for not being  _ as  _ successful as he used to be, many never made it at all. What he had, others could only dream of. Stud would know. So many passionate actors in this industry who never achieve their dream – and here he was.

Logically, he did understand that, but he was upset anyway. It would be helpful if he could articulate why he felt that way, instead of why he  _ shouldn't _ , which just made it all the more terrible. Though perhaps the easy answer was just that it wasn't reasonable of him to react this way. He was just self-absorbed, selfish, and –

"I'm not saying that you have to be grateful. I don't know what it's like, after all. I'm just telling you why it frustrated me. You do understand that, right?"

Meryl ran his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes. "Sure."

Stud sighed, again. Was it that tiring to deal with him? "I didn't mean to imply that you didn't put your heart into – "

Meryl blurted out, "I would if I could."

Stud fell silent.

He stood up, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has nothing to do with the fic ever but it just occured to me that i can use this space for evil. speaking of asian actors who don't flop, my sims just got the starlight accolades!! everyone say congratulations miss kim


	15. Chapter 15

Meryl drove for what felt like hours without a destination in mind. He just couldn't stay there anymore, it would only aggravate the situation further. Stud was right, and he shouldn't have reacted so strongly. Meryl didn't even know _why_ he lashed out. Shouldn't he have better self-control? His head was a mess. Stud looked so disappointed with him. 

_He was going to ruin this too like he ruined his own career, wasn't he._

Meryl pulled the car to an abrupt stop, suddenly not trusting himself to drive anymore. The car behind him just barely managed to hit the break in time. The driver had a lot of colorful words to say about his driving, but gave up eventually when he failed to get a response out of Meryl. He sat there, listening to his breathing, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel along to his quickened pulse. Had he been speeding? No, no. He didn't think so. He was sober, after all.

Where the hell was he?

Meryl looked up and was met with the sight of none other than Johnny Wu agency. And by look up, he meant at the second floor. Wu rented out an office above a laundromat, and under a dental clinic. It was truly pathetic: A weather-battered, red brick building that stuck out like a sore thumb. The lowest floor used to be a restaurant way back then. Meryl frequented it often for the coffee so the dancing studio above Wu's office would be more tolerable. It's been through a lot of owners, not quite enough maintenance, and not a single renovation. The dancing studio failed, the restaurant owner died, and ownership kept changing hands all throughout the years. The only one that survived the great depression – and the cruel passage of time — seemed to be Johnny Wu.

Meryl didn't have an agent for most of his career. It was only appropriate that he handled the matters of his own career, and he felt adequate to do so. Who else would have his benefit at heart if not himself? Talent agencies were sparse back then, commonly found only outside the movie business. It was around the peak of his career when Meryl realized he was in over his head, as well as others started paying close attention to his career. Amongst the agents who approached him, Wu stood out despite his small stature. Meryl felt a sense of kinship with him at the time, he supposed. There were nights when he felt quite isolated, even around his admirers and the best stars showbiz had to offer. He longed for those days now, but at the height of his fame young Meryl Streep regarded himself as a circus lion, one with the most impressive mane. 

Curious how he found himself winded up at the agency. Last time he was here, they got into a huge blown up fight that led to Meryl firing Wu. 

Against his better judgement (or the lack of it), Meryl stepped out of his car and approached the building. The women working in the laundromat paid him no mind as he climbed up the stairs. It was steep, and creaked with every step just as Meryl remembered. Past the dusty staircase was an even dustier, poorly-lit hallway. There was a reason why Wu never scheduled any appointment with his clients here. 

Well, there he was.

Meryl thought of knocking, shrugged, and let himself in. From what he remembered, the office was quite small. Wu rented it so he had a place to do his bookkeeping, to use it as a storage, and for legal reasons that Meryl didn't listen to when he explained. So it was not surprising that he almost ran into Elizabeth the second he pushed the door open, but it was still unfortunate.

"Hello, Elizabeth." At least he got her name right this time. "Is Wu not around?"

Elizabeth did _not_ look pleased to see him, but then again she never did. Not after he fired Wu. Meryl was never kind to her back then, but it was that incident that turned her against him completely.

"No, he is not." She didn't elaborate further, and it didn't look like she could be persuaded to. "What are you doing here?"

If there was a longer period of time before they met again, Meryl could've handled this better. However it had been a few hours at most, and the argument with Stud affected him more than he cared to admit. Meryl wasn't being himself.

"I'm sorry I forgot your name," he blurted out. "I shouldn't have, you worked for me for a long time."

Elizabeth looked stunned as well. Neither of them expected to have this discussion. For a second she looked like how Meryl remembered her – vunerable. It lasted only a few seconds, before her defenses were put back into place. Her pale eyes turned icy cold, and no amount of make ups could conceal her utter contempt.

"What? Are you attempting to make amends with people you've wronged in the past to feel better about yourself?" She scoffed.

"No – "

"Of course not. Why would you."

"Look, just give me my letters or whatever it is that is taking up space here," Meryl cut to the chase. She obviously didn't want to spend another second looking at him. "I brought my car. You don't have to waste time delivering them yourself."

"Uncharacteristically considerate of you. Well then." Elizabeth clears her throat. "Go wait downstairs. I will carry them to your car."

She turned away before he could offer to help, rummaging through the cabinets in the room. Meryl excused himself before she personally kicked him out. He needed a smoke. 

Meryl was lighting up a second one by the time Elizabeth met with him downstairs. She brought with her more of the same unlabelled crates, stacking on each other until they were at her chin. She did not acknowledge him as she put them into his rear compartment, but she had to say something about his car.

"What _is_ this?" She gestured wildly at it, frustrated.

"Mosaic-wood inlays, naturally." Meryl stood a little straighter, his chest puffed out. "Only the finest for my Duesenberg. Ivory fittings, silk – "

" _This_ is what you spent money on? Why didn't you sell it when you had to pay off your debts?"

Meryl rolled his eyes. He just couldn't catch a break today. "Save the lecture for someone who cares."

"You didn't change at all," she said as if she expected something else. "Did you know that he never gave up on you? The only reason he still kept these around was because he thought you'd come to your senses."

"Oh, please. He just couldn't keep up with his new competitions, so now he wants his most prolific talent to crawl back to him."

He.. regretted that as soon as he said it. So much for the apologetic, considerate Meryl. Now he was back to the Meryl half the people in showbiz worked with, except Father Own's who _barely_ tolerated him.

Elizabeth looked downright disgusted at him. "You can't possibly think that's true."

"I _was_ the one who put his name on the map," Meryl continued to put his foot into his mouth. "If he wanted to keep me in his roster, perhaps he should've done his job better."

"Or maybe you can get an acting coach, you overrated piece of shit." 

That startled Meryl. Elizabeth had always been hostile towards him, sure, but she kept to her barely concealed passive aggression. This was the first time she directly insulted him. She did not raise her voice at all, but her venomous tone still shook him.

Elizabeth turned around to leave, but not before she said: "One of these days, you will learn to stop inflicting yourself on others."

Meryl watched her disappear into the building; he put out his cigarette.

One day.

* * *

In the end, he decided against drinking. He just couldn't do it to Stud. Strange, that. His primary concern was not for his own well-being, but that his terrible behavior would upset Stud further. He thought that now with his fame being the thing of the past, he wouldn't care what others think of him. Yet if he were to disappoint Stud Stampler, it would devastate him. They weren't married and already Stud was being his ball and chains. (If said ball and chains encourage you to be healthier.) Typical.

Instead he wasted his time sitting around on his ass in a diner until it was dark. The owner was excited to see him, and to have his signed headshot on the wall. However when it became clear that he was only ordering coffee, they were all but ready to throw him out. His plan was to wait until it was past Stud's bedtime, sneaked back into the house, and acted like nothing happened. He needed to go back because.. he kept his clothes there, but he would prefer to avoid confrontation, thank you very much. 

He did not expect Stud to still be awake, _and_ was waiting for him in the living room. Nearly screamed when a hand grabbed him by the arm as he tried to sneak past. Meryl thought he was being stealthy, but apparently not. It was dark outside, the lights were turned off, and he became intensely aware of their size differences. He wasn't intimidated, but if it was anyone else, he would be.

"Where have you been? You made me worried sick." Stud didn't sound angry at him, but the exhaustion in his voice suggested his patience was running low.

Meryl had no clue how to approach him when he was like this. "Outside." Okay, even he knew that was an awful response.

Stud narrowed his eyes, the grip around his arm tightened. Shit, now he looked mad.

Meryl struggled to come up with something – anything– that would appease him. "Look, I went to the agency and retrive the rest of what they had on me. They are in my car, we can keep them here like you wanted. You were right and I was wrong. You win."

"What?" Stud groaned, frustrated. "It's not about who _wins_ the argument. Do you even know why I was upset with you?"

"Because I'm a selfish, self-obsessed maniac. There, happy? Can I leave now?"

"That is not what I was trying to say at all." Stud pulled him back as he tried to leave. "Meryl, please, don't just run away."

Meryl winced. "Stud, you are hurting me."

Stud's eyes widened in shock. He let go of Meryl so fast you'd think he was touching a hot stove. He looked – and sounded – mortified. The anger just drained out of him in mere seconds. "Oh god, I am sorry."

Meryl frowned and rubbed his hand over his upper arm. It didn't hurt _that_ much; he didn't mean to scare Stud. Why was he messing this up so badly? 

"It's fine. I overreacted – "

"Are you alright? Should I get you something for your arm? I am so, so sorry. I should've known my own strength – "

"Stop apologizing already!" Meryl couldn't take it. "I'd rather you just hit me if I knew you were going to be like this."

Stud said nothing at all for a long, agonizing period of time.

When he spoke up again, his voice grew softer. "Baby, no, why would you say that?"

"I.." It didn't register to him as something concerning to say, but the look on Stud's face made him reconsider. "I can't stand it that I make you so unhappy. That's why I left. Just tell me how to make this right, please."

"You don't make me unhappy," Stud said. "Frustrated? Angry? Sure, but I get angry at Willy too sometimes. I am happy to be with you." 

"Me too," Meryl mumbled. "I can't ruin this."

"Let's just sit down and talk, alright? Let's just sit down and talk.."

Stud coaxed him inside the living room. Meryl followed along, but kept his gaze downward, afraid to make things worse for what felt like the hundredth time. Besides, they shouldn't have been yelling in the hallway. Stud sat down on the couch, and Meryl sat next to him. There was a noticeable space between them as if Stud feared he was going to accidentally hurt him again. Meryl hated it.

"So." Stud inhaled deeply, and exhaled. "Do you know why I was frustrated with you?"

"I do. I wasn't just being a sarcastic bastard." It sounded like he was just insulting himself to make Stud guilty, but he understood what Stud meant the first time he said it. "I know that I'm often.. dismissive of others. _You_ probably felt like I took a piss on you every time I insulted your lifelong passion."

He was aware of that at least, even if he wasn't good at.. not doing it.

"Well, yes," Stud admitted with a small, nervous laugh. "It's not just that, though. I meant to say something else – "

"But I reacted horribly."

"And I got carried away. I just wanted you to know that it upsets me whenever I hear you speak low about yourself."

Meryl noticed the word change right away. Not just his work, but _him._ Did.. he do that? He didn't think so. If anything, he liked the sound of his own voice, and his reflection in the mirror a little too much. No one who met him would think he's some sort of self-hating pessimist. In fact, they would say the opposite.

His confusion must have been obvious, because Stud picked up on it right away. "Isn't your career a big part of who you are?"

He didn't know why, but that made him feel sick. "Objectively speaking, sure."

Stud looked concerned, like he was noticing something amiss but couldn't put his finger on it. And why would he be able to if Meryl himself was just as confused?

"Do you.. not like acting?"

"I do," he said, quicker than expected. "I did.. or I thought I did. It's hard. It's not what I thought it'd be. I enjoyed the fame and the paychecks of course, but wouldn't anyone?"

Stud nodded, encouraging him to continue his rambling. He wasn't making any sense, but Stud wanted to hear him talk anyway. He was too good to him.

"I think I needed to convince myself that it was all bad." Meryl pulled his legs up on the couch, and hugged them to his chest. "So I would stop regretting ruining it."

Stud sighed. "I know you told me to stop apologizing.."

"Just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"Last one," he insisted. "It's a fact that you're far better off than me."

"I am."

It'd be foolish to pretend otherwise. Meryl paid for expenses far beyond his rent, and he found every chance he could make Stud's life easier with money. He was considerably less wealthy than he once was, but he still didn't need to get a job. The same couldn't be said about Stud. Sometimes, that particular difference between them seemed to make Stud quite uncomfortable. It was strange, because Meryl doubted many people would have a qualm about dating someone richer than them. He wouldn't know though, since his affairs were often his fellow celebrities and other socialites.

"It still couldn't be easy being in your position, and I felt like I implied that it was. Uh." Stud squeezed his eyes shut. "IreadyourletterIamsosorry–"

"Ah-ha!" Meryl pointed at him, a smug grin appeared on his face. "I knew you would give in!"

"That rose-scented lady was awful," Stud cringed even as he said it. "I couldn't believe people just say these things to you."

"Well, it's a part of it." Meryl expected that as he was used to his fanbase, but it was amusing to see Stud being so appalled by its content.

"It shouldn't be, that's my point," he said, matter-of-fact like.

Meryl honestly found it exhausting. "Ugh, stop being kind."

Stud snorted so loud he startled himself. "That's an absurd thing to say!"

"Feels unbalanced. You're saying all these things, and I've been insufferable this whole time – "

"To be fair, I knew you were going to be a handful before I decided to pursue you."

"Insulting, but a fair assumption." Meryl was smiling though. "I didn't apologize to you once, and you did a hundred times."

Stud threw it right back at him. "Do it then."

"Huh?"

"Apologize."

Oh. Right. It was overdue, wasn't it? 

"..Sorry?"

Stud, the bastard, laughed in his face.

Meryl blushed. "I'm trying!"

"I know, but you said it like it was a different language." He was _still_ laughing. "You're hilarious. Be a comedian."

"I regret this." Served him right for _wanting to do better_ , and _making an effort_. "Why are you punishing me?"

"I'm not." Stud wiped the tears away from the corner of his eyes. "Punishing you would be.. making you sleep on the couch."

"Are _you_ making me sleep on the couch?"

"I think I am, actually." He seemed surprised, like it wasn't something he knew he was capable of. "You were right, it is a little unbalanced. You worried me the entire day, _and_ you were mean."

Ugh. "Fine _._ "

To be honest, Meryl was glad that he got to sleep on the couch. It felt more tangible than loose promises to do better, and empty acknowledgements. He couldn't sleep though, he had too much coffee earlier. So when Stud gave up halfway in the middle of the night, and picked him up from the couch – Meryl was only pretending to be asleep.

"What happened to punishing me, huh?"

Stud _almost_ dropped him. "Ah! You scared me! I thought you were sleeping!"

"You're spoiling me rotten," he continued to protest even while Stud placed him down on their bed. "Who is going to hold me accountable now?"

"You do it yourself." Fair. "I'm not making my husband sleep on the couch."

…

"Your WHAT – "

"Shh, sleep, just sleep, close your eyes." Stud tucked him in. "I didn't say anything. This is a dream. I just had weird thoughts when we argued."

"Sounds like an issue to me. Unrelated to this conversation, what was your parents' relationship like?"

Stud literally started to sing a lullaby. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star.."

Meryl was so baffled by it that he lost his train of thoughts, and the entire station too. "Your voice is beautiful."

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer chapter to make up for my absence, hope you enjoyed!
> 
> also during my absence i wrote some other fics! go check them out if youd like. got a lil smth for everyone from a cute family feels gen fic to meryl stomping stud's dick with his hoof


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